There are many things on my list of "things to do before I die..."

Travel, write (books and songs), photograph, love more, etc etc.

One thing that is not on my list, and probably will never be, is sailing. Going out on a boat in the middle of the ocean using some triangle sheets and the wind to create my security is not my idea of fun...or even adventure. It just sounds crazy.

So, when I tell you that there are Sundays that feel like that, do you understand me? Oh, sure, it looks like I'm on the ground floor singing or praying or listening...but in my mind, I'm on the open ocean with no land in sight and some triangle sheets.

This Sunday will be on of those days. No fault of anybody, I just don't have the normal "control" over the day.

Here's the thing that might surprise you...I'm learning to like those days more than the typical Sunday.

God shows Himself to me more on the open sea than on the dry, safe land.

So, instead of dreading the time, I'm looking forward to it...God really is the Master of the Sea...I just need to step out there more often so He can demonstrate His amazing self to me.

Blessings for a wonderful weekend, bloggers.

One of my favorite things about the Thanksgiving holiday is our family time on Wednesday night...a time we lovingly call "PIE NIGHT".

When you eat the Thanksgiving feast on Thursday, and then look around at the pies people have made, you feel like you just must have a piece...even though you are about ready to POP!

So, we have decided to take all our pies, and bring them together Wednesday night for our Thankful Pie Night time.

Everybody fills out a 3X5 card sharing what they are particularly thankful for this year. We read these cards out loud and try to guess who's card we're listening to. There's even a prize for the one who guesses the most number correctly. (Competition...it's a beautiful thing!)

I loved this year listening to my children's cards. I especially loved my nephew, James, having a card this year for the first time. Listening to thankful hearts is uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging. It's so good for us to have to stop, sit down, and verbalize what we are thankful for.

Sunday, church was beautiful. It was wonderful to have my girl on the Worship Team again...even if for only a day. We grabbed a quick bite and then headed for the airport. It wasn't horrible.

I watched until she got through the security check and as she turned back with a beautiful smile and a big wave, I thought of how much she's grown in just a few short months.

The boys were standing by in case I had a mild break down, but nope...not this time. I smiled, waved back, and turned quickly to head back to the car. I didn't talk for a couple of miles...but finally, the lump went down a bit. No tears...just a quivering chin...maybe she's not the only one growing.

Have a blessed week.

Today, in fact, as I write this, my daughter is in the air coming home. She will arrive in Fresno at 12:40 and I will be there to welcome her.

I will hug her, and smell her, and kiss her, and squeeze her, and tell her how wonderful it is to see her.

We have cleaned the house, put fresh flowers in her room, changed her bed, and put a one of her favorite magazines on the night stand.

We can't wait to see her.

So, I've said this before, but I can't help but wonder if God is as excited to welcome us home. Or if His desire to see us come home is off the charts compared to mine...(my human mind can't quite wrap around Him being any more excited to see me than I am to see her today).

I'm so glad my girl is excited to come home...wouldn't it be terrible if your kids didn't really want to come back?

My Dad used to long for heaven and I thought he was just goofy...almost made us feel bad because of his great desire to leave this earth and join God.

I wonder, though, if he didn't have a better handle on it than I.

All I know for today is that I can't wait to get my hands on her.

May you all feel blessed and loved...and may your hearts overflow with thankfulness!

Every year, about this time, I have a day when I find myself paralyzed with the fear that I won't get every thing done.

I won't be able to pull off all the details of the Christmas Musical (which happens to be beautiful this year in so many ways), ZOE Fresno is right around the corner, (have I done all I can do to get more people here?), and then there is the normal things regarding this season that bring some anxiety. (Gifts, shopping, finances, house decorating, tree decorating, and so on and so on.)

Yesterday was my day to feel like there's absolutely no way I am going to be able to handle each thing in the way I want to handle it...which is flawless and extraordinarily.

So, I told the boys when they rolled in last night..."no dinner, we're going out."

We went to one of my favorite Mexican food places and they seated us in a room with no one else. For me, this was wonderful. However, my little slice of heaven only lasted a few seconds as the waitress comes up to our table, slams her hands down as she leans in and says, "Oh My! Quick, hurry up and order, they're about to SLAM me!"

She then spends the rest of our time there telling us all she has to do, how she works too many nights, (she's only supposed to work 2-3 nights and she's working 5-6), she needed to make cupcakes for her sons class because they decided at the last minute to have a party, she had made cupcakes for her daughters class just the night before, she's in the middle of cleaning the house to prepare for the holiday decorating, how she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES Christmas, and how cute her kids are, which she then produced pictures of them from her apron.

After taking our order, we had this bus boy who was actually TOO attentive. Seriously, every minute he walked by and asked if we were o.k., did we need refills, more chips, salsa, now do we want guacamole?

Needless to say, this time that was supposed to relax my heart, made me even more crazy. It became so bad, it was comical. Avery said he had a head ache and Lex was just trying to get us 0ut of there without me losing it.

This is also the time of year I begin sleeping rather poorly. I fall to sleep easily, but the dreams that come are amazingly ridiculous! And they don't subside until about February. I know this because it happens every year. I've learned to accept it.

So, today, I'm checking my email and there it was...the scripture of the day...

Jeremiah 17:7-8
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along the riverbank.

Aahhh...thank you, Lord.

I knew that, but thank you for giving me that "ice water in the face" moment. You see, every year, I feel the same, and every year, He does something to remind me to relax and enjoy Him. Because as much as I would like to believe I'm in control of all those little details, it's such a relief when I wake up my stubborn self and remember it's all in His hands...

Maybe the waitress at my favorite Mexican restaurant needs to hear this...

...But...I'm so Comfortable!

Has the Lord ever put something on your heart in such a way that you can't ignore it?

Well, you can, but really, you can't. I mean, you can turn away, act busy, fake distraction...whatever you need to do, but whatever you do...it just keeps coming back?

I'm there. Been there for a while. Already turned away, acted busy, faked distraction...

I'm still there...and He's still there. I love where I'm at. I'm comfortable. Not too busy, not bored...just right. Very comfortable. Hhmmm...God has other plans...

So, sweet friends, pray for me...and I will pray for you...that you, too, will find discomfort in your comfort.

Blessings...

Ready the Room!

If asked what I did today, I will answer,
"I prepared my daughter's room for her visit."

Ashley left, as you all know, in August to attend ACU.

There have been sad moments, but for the most part, my heart has been full of joy and pride and gratefulness for the success she has found in her new environment.

I have, however, found it difficult to be in her room. She did a pretty good job of cleaning it out before she left. That may have been what was difficult. She went through all her "stuff" and got rid of bags and bags of clutter. Youth and adolescent clutter. I kept thinking I'd go in there and make the bed she stripped, maybe move the dresser and clean behind it, possibly dust and spruce up the curtains. To this point, however, that hasn't happened.

I've found it very convenient to just walk on by. I really couldn't even step in there. Too sad for me.

But today, I got an email from her saying "only 11 more days until I'm home!"

Today, I stepped in the room. Straightened curtains, ironed pillow cases so they'll be super fresh for her, moved the dresser (oh my!) to clean behind it, and prepared her room for a visit.

I can't tell you the pure joy in doing those tasks. The sheer excitement of preparing the room for her was so sweet.

It made me think about Jesus going to prepare a place for me...for you. I wonder if He feels that same excitement as he "prepares" our rooms for our return to Him. I wonder if there are special touches in mine meant just for me. I wonder if His heart swells to think about me returning to spend eternity with Him. I'm human...He's God...so I imagine I really can't know completely how He feels.

But today, I began preparations to receive my baby girl home...
Just as He prepares to receive us home...

Sweet thoughts...both of them.

FILM FEST 2006

One of the things I'm most impressed about with ACU is the way they empower, teach, show possible the concept of taking your Christianity to the world in practical ways.

You don't have to be a teacher or preacher of the Word to have an impact in society for Jesus Christ. You just have to live your faith...in all arenas.




This weekend was another example of that as they put on the Film Festival allowing students to stretch and grow as writers, producers, directors, and actors of films they had created.

I don't know the whole scope of the "FilmFest" time. I know I am unaware of the complexity of the concept and the vision of those who have worked so hard to develop this idea. But I do know my daughter was impressed with the quality of work and the excitement that surrounded the great formal evening.

Our friend, Brandon, was a judge. Ashley loved seeing him. This community of believers we belong to is such a tremendous blessing. Seeing Brandon is like seeing family. It felt good.

As an adopted person, I've always seen family as something larger than the blood relative concept. It has made my Christian walk deeper...my relationships sweeter.

So, today I'm thankful for a place my daughter can grow and learn and develop into a powerful servant in the Kingdom of God...and, I'm thankful for all of you...those who love me and my family because of the common love for Jesus Christ. 

"Graduate Services"

I walked into the "Graduate Services" office and told them who I was and that I was there to pick up my son's Class Ring. This was my second visit to this office...last year, to pick up my daughter's, was, of course, my first.

She asked what school he was from and then disappeared to the back room and quickly came back with a little box. As she opened the box, I gasped out loud...

"Oh my goodness...that can't possibly be my son's ring...that ring looks like it would fit a man! This boy is my baby." (I can't really believe I said those words...but it was too late.)

She looked at me with an understanding expression and said,
"Is this your first or your last one?"

"My last" I choked out.

I couldn't help it. The tears just came out silently.

"The ring is beautiful...he's going to love it. Thank you."

As I tried to write out the check, the tears kept getting in the way. I really just needed to get out of there. For some reason, the whole thing surprised me. It was just a quick stop I was making to finish up a day full of errands. I had no intention of feeling any sort of way...it totally shocked me and snuck up on me.

Then, she broke the ice and said..."Weren't you in here last year?"

I laughed remembering that I had the same reaction last year..."Yes, I was the nutty Mom in here crying last year when I picked up my daughter's ring."

"So, she was your first?"

"Yes...but truthfully, I think I could have had 15 and I would probably have the same reaction 15 times...It's the transition, the step, the slipping away of childhood with the onset of adulthood that makes the lump in my throat stick."

She smiled politely and told me if he ever has any problems, there is a life time warranty on the ring.

I handed over the check and slipped the ring in my purse.

Last night, I gave him his ring...and what do you know...that huge man sized ring fit him perfectly.

He loved it.

Blessings.

I blogged a few days ago, but kept it as a draft because I thought, after reading it, it was just whining. So, I read it again today, and yup...I was feeling sorry for myself...

But I'll tell you what it was about without the whining part.

I blogged about the many things I miss about having my kids home and young and within my control. I love the baby stage, I love the toddler stage, I love the elementary stage, I even love the teen-age stage (even though folks tried to tell me it was horrible! I disagree.) And, I love this independent stage. But, I miss those other stages. Particularly the babies and toddler age.

So, those of you who have had kids, tell me what you loved the most...or what you miss the most. Maybe it will help me to see that I'm not the only one who has a broken heart from time to time.

And kids, in case you're reading this...
Your 'ole mom is just fine. Really. I'm great.
No...really...doing terrific! No worries here...Fantastic.
Totally cool with this new life stage...

Blessings.

Teachers...

There is a profession that is, I believe, misunderstood unless you are in that profession yourself. I believe some people think teachers have it easy. You know, all that vacation time, finishing at 3:00 every day, watching movies when you don't feel like teaching, etc...

Although there are those who give teaching a bad rap, I believe there are many more who go the extra mile and realize what a ministry it really is. What an amazing influence these teachers have on our children.

So, for my post today, this is an acknowledgement of the hard work and endless hours some teachers put into the kids.

Avery had a teacher as a Freshman by the name of Mr. Hieger.

This is the teacher that drew Avery into the Rocket Project with NASA...this is the man who lets kids come in and eat their lunch in his room just to hang out...this is the teacher who spent thousands of his own dollars to keep the Rocket Project going when the red tape would have hindered the project...this is the guy who has worked with Avery on his (Avery's) truck...this is the man who came home from a full day of teaching just to find a group of kids at his home wanting/needing to use the tools in his garage for building...he not only let them stay, but fed them dinner...this is the guy who, when Lex and I arrived home from church last night about 9:00 pm, was standing in my drive way helping Avery unload some HUGE, HEAVY truck parts Avery had just purchased.

He is patient, good, smart, and caring. The kids love him. This is a teacher who will be "the one" Avery remembers all of his life. Last night, after Avery finally came in the house and Mr. Hieger had left, I said, "Mr. Hieger sure is a nice man..."

Avery smiled big and replied..."Yes, he's pretty cool." (for a teenage young man, that speaks volumes)

So, for those of you out there who are teachers by profession, thanks. You make a difference. May you feel an extra dose of blessing today!

ACU Homecoming Weekend...

Ashley called a couple of times to update us on the fun she was having. They had parades, a carnival, facepainting, (that's a purple paw print on her face)purple cotton candy, a homecoming queen from Bakersfield, CA, and a great football game!

ACU Football is 6-0. I guess this is something new for them in recent years. Ashley is enjoying all the fun of being a football fan supporting her school...it's especially fun to support a winning team.

We miss her...duh! But what a blessing to see so much goodness, learning, and enjoyment come her way. Thank you, God.

The HandOff

What an amazing Spirit-filled weekend it was!

The ZOE Conference has come to a close and I am back home in California at my desk that I love, in the church that I love, working with the people I love.

It is so good to be together for that time. The relationships God has blessed us with through his work are priceless...

I had to take Ashley to the folks who were also from Abilene...she had flown in with them and would return to ACU with them. They are a sweet, wonderful family by the name of the Maxwells. Jack and Jill are the artists for the ZOE group. Some of you have had the pleasure of seeing one of their creations come alive during a message time with Mike Cope. It really is a gift...

Their son, Matt, is a Mac-graphic-creative -film GENIUS. His creativity, coupled with his Godly character is an unstoppable force in our fellowship. We are so blessed to have such young creative thinking.

The Maxwells have taken Ashley in as their own. Jill is the one who has told her (and I) that if she is ever sick, call her. She'll drop everything to come get her and take her to a Dr or just to their home so she can get well. (Do you know what a relief that is to this mother as I am 1400 miles away from my baby girl?)

So, Sunday morning, on my way to church in Nashville, I took Ash to the Maxwells so they could return "home".

In the old days, when I was still the one "in charge" of Ashley's care, I would have walked in and been the first communication between Ashley and the Maxwell's. But now, I watched as I was the "side" one and my daughter and this precious family took up their relationship where it had left off in Abilene.

Matt quickly got up and took Ashley's suitcase to the car. They all exchanged conversation and just waited for me to tell her good-bye.

They took care of her meals, her comfort, her care.

I hugged her quickly, and she physically turned my body around and gave me a sweet, but determined little push out the door.

My little girl has come into her own life...Gracefully, beautifully, and in a Godly fashion.

Am I sad? No. Did I cry...of course.

So, as I mentioned at the top of this post, what a tremendous blessing it is to have relationship with each other through the covenant and blood of Jesus Christ.

Each one of you reading this, I'm guessing, can think of people that you know because of your commitment to the work of the Kingdom.

I hope this week, at some point, you will take the time to thank God for those people, and maybe even go so far as to tell them personally what they mean to you as we travel this road together.

Blessings!

Miss, Sandra, I Have a Surprise For You...

Walked in from a very long day with the ZOE Conference in Nashville. I am fortunate enough to have good friends here that I stay with, so, as Avery and I walked in to their beautiful home, ready for a quick, good sleep, their little girl said to me...

"Miss Sandra, I have a surprise for you...it's over here...in your room..."

I figured she had decorated my room or made me a picture or something.

I followed her as she opened my bedroom door...

I saw nothing different at first, and then, from behind the bed popped my daughter. (the daughter who should be at ACU going to classes and taking tests!)

I gasped, cried, grabbed her and held her until she laughed and said, "sorry, brother, I'll have to hug you later, I guess!"

She smelled so sweet. Anybody else out there very sensitive (and I mean VERY sensitive) to the different sweet smells of life?

My friend, Eric, thought she may need to come see her Momma. Actually, I think her Momma may have needed to see her...

Needless to say, it's wonderful being here in Nashville, but to have BOTH my kids with me is a tremendous blessing!

Somber Days...

Our time together yesterday morning was beautiful, somber, and full of God's grace.

We had three deaths to announce to the church. One, a 6 month baby died in her sleep. One a young man with a wife and four children, and finally, an older lady who had just recently decided to give her life to Christ through baptism.

It's never "easy" to release one of us to the heavenly realms...even though we believe and long to be there ourselves. There is always sadness, sometimes regret in what wasn't said, (or maybe what was said), and sympathy for the immediate family who remain here on earth.

I decided a long time ago that I would handle death in a professional way. I had many funerals and visitations ahead of me and if I broke down every time, I'd be a mess. So, me, a fairly emotional person, decided in my head that I would be very strong during these times.

Sometimes you can tell yourself something and have it happen. Right? Power of positive thinking etc...

Here's when it doesn't work for me...

It's those left behind that break my heart. Not those who have gone.

It's the mommy and daddy that wonder how they are ever going to live normal again without their child.

It's the young wife, who wonders how she is going to be both mother and father to her children who now face life without a daddy.

It's the sweet older man who has loved his bride for 50+ years and now wonders how to survive the days he has left without her.

Yesterday, our blessing song was one of those golden oldies...Blest Be the Tie

I love verse 3 of that song:
We share our mutual woes;
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear

So today, as we bear our mutual burdens, please pray for the Ramirez family, the Wilkin family, and the Gonzalez family.

I'm headed to Nashville tomorrow. Blessings to all of you.

Hamster Wheel Gone Wrong

Don't you feel like this poor little hamster sometimes? Playing this makes me laugh out loud...maybe I'm just twisted. Enjoy!

The Conversation

So...the conversation with my daughter went something like this...

"Oh, Mom, the football game was a blast! We won. We are 3 - 0 now."

"That's great, honey. I'm glad you're having so much fun along with working so hard. I'm proud of you."

"Mom, did you know that in Texas you can ride in the bed of a pick-up as long as you don't go over 60 mph?"

"Ashley, there are reasons California passed the law that makes it illegal to ride in the back of a pick up. If you stop suddenly or get thrown out, you won't be in very good shape...if any shape at all."

"After the football game we were so excited we went to 'What-A-Burger'. They said it was like In 'N Out, but it wasn't. It was good though. And then, we were still all hyper from having fun, we went Rattlesnake Hunting!"

"You did what!?"

"Rattlesnake Hunting! It was a blast. The rattlesnakes like the heat from the car/tires and so they come to the truck...or something like that. My friend had his shotgun to kill it and a hatchet to take the rattle. I guess he collects them."

"O.K. So much to comment on here...let's start with the shotgun. Was this riding in the back of that truck with you, also? And let's just say you hit a bump or something...what if it goes off?"

"Oh, Mom...(she said giggling), it wasn't loaded and he had the safety on it! And besides, we didn't even see any rattlesnakes. But when we came to the end of the road, there was this house with two old guys sitting on the porch with shotguns sitting across their laps! Isn't that hysterical!? It looked just like the movies!"

(by now, I was hyperventilating!...quietly...didn't want her to stop talking.)

My usual ending to our conversations is..."I Love You, and I'm so proud of you." Today I choked out the words,

"Well, honey, you've certainly given me lots to worry about!"

"I love you, Mom. Talk to you later."

Oh my...

Just Hangin' Round

This summer, I was feeling rather lousy. Spent literally months trying to feel good again. Had to cut back on my activity because I simply couldn't do everything I had been doing. So, one of the things to be cut from my schedule was Wednesday night rehearsal for the Worship Team.

I still felt that this was valuable, maybe even necessary, time together. It not only gets you technically ready for Sunday morning, but it allows you to see ahead what will be happening so you can "soak" in it for a few days. Rest in it. Struggle with it.

I always encouraged our folks to pray for what will be happening. Pray for their part in it.

But, I didn't have that much energy, so I let it go for the summer and we started meeting about 15 minutes earlier on Sunday morning.

Technically, it works. But I have missed the time together.

One of the "drawbacks" of the Wed night time was that not everybody could make it. Some teach Pioneer Club on Wed night, some work late, some work out of town during the week, some coach football/baseball/soccer which brings them home too late. So, there were those of us who always made it, and those who rarely did. Sometimes, that could be discouraging.

Yesterday afternoon, I told Lex that I was going to go to church because I just wanted to be there to see what was happening. (even though I didn't have a specific "job")

He joined me.

There were a couple of teachers ill, so one person asked Lex if he would help him teach. Lex loved it. Tired? Yes. But loved it still.

I ended up in conversation with 2 different people throughout the night that I wouldn't have talked to otherwise. I learned lots. They shared lots.

I guess we could have stayed home and watched Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune. (we are becoming old people). But it was so good to be together with others who love God like we do. I've wondered sometimes, if I weren't "employed" by the church, would I do as much? Would I go as often? Would I feel obligation to the body?

I hope so.

Fellowship...it's good for the body!

The New Normal...Again

It's hard to get used to the "new normal", as I have written in recent posts, when the "new normal" keeps changing!

I picked up my sweet Avery from school on Monday and we headed to the Clovis DMV. He had all his paper work, his appointment, and his nerve.

I watched a couple of the DMV employee's who administer the driving test...in my mind I was thinking, "Oh please dear God, don't let him get that guy!"

AVERY HENDERSON "that guy" bellowed...O.K., God, if he has to get that guy, just give him an extra dose of calm as he takes his test.

I sat in the parents area as person after person came and went through the driving test. Some passed, most failed. YIKES! The saddest for me was an elderly gentleman who didn't pass. The employee was very short with him, not much compassion. Do they know what they've done to this guy? (dressed in nice slacks, a dress shirt, and tie, by the way) I wonder if somehow, in the inevitable moments of life -- like losing your license because you simply are too old to drive safely any longer -- if we can show some love and compassion in the process. It appears, at the DMV, that isn't possible.

I sat a while longer...every time the door opened my head snapped to look. No Avery. A couple of girls came in obviously disgusted with the whole process. Irritated...one crying. I had a magazine that I kept looking down at pretending to read. I read the same paragraph for about 30 minutes and then finally, he came in the door with "Mr. DMV Grumpy-Pants". I kept looking at his face, trying to figure out if he had passed or failed...then he finally looked over at me and gave me the sweetest smile and nodded. I squealed under my breath and looked immediately back down at my magazine because I felt the tears come quickly.

Good Grief! Crying over this too? I guess so. Another snip of the apron strings. Another finger pried loose from the grip of my son...my baby.

So, the picture you see at the top is a very happy Senior driving himself to school on Tuesday morning.

Congratulations, Avery! You passed in spite of Mr. DMV Grumpy-Pants!

Blogger Blues...

I don't remember doing anything that would prevent people from commenting on my blog...but somehow, even with a change of template, I can't get the icon for comments up.

So, if there are any out there with a suggestion, I would say leave me a comment, but you can't! So, I'll have to hope you have my email address and you can email me and give me instructions on how to fix this!

Sorry...

O.K....NEVER MIND. When I posted this new post, the comment section appeared. Goodness! It's enough to make a girl doubt herself!

September 11...5 years later

Some things are just too big to wrap your mind around.

You can't comprehend and fully digest the scope or magnitude of an event...even 5 years later.

We've all had individual moments in our lives that have made us gasp for air and feel like we may not make it through...

But this was a nation wide gasp...

I remember watching it all unfold on the Today Show...

I remember turning it off at one point in the day because I couldn't handle it any longer, just to turn around moments later and watch again because there were still so many unanswered questions.

Today, I was watching an interview of our President by Matt Lauer. This is not a political statement...it doesn't matter what I think about politics, taxes, the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, health care, and so on and so on.

What I heard on the news today calmed my spirit.

The President is briefed every day except Sunday, according to him, on continuing threats to the U.S. Matt Lauer talked to him about being a father and husband in New York...how a day doesn't go by but what he thinks about terrorist attacks and how is he going to keep his kids safe.

Matt said that with the burden of the knowledge that he (the President) is given every day, how does he sleep?

The President said quickly, two things help him sleep...

First, he believes and trusts in Almighty God and second, he trusts all the people around him.

I was glad he didn't take a direction of God loving the United States and we will triumph and junk like that...because God is God. We all know that...we know that each and every soul is important to God - regardless of where it resides.

But I loved the resolve in his voice. It gave me strength because it reminded me that whatever happens, I trust Almighty God. And as difficult and horrific as things seem, I have a rock to stand on.

Thank you, Mr. President.