First Day of School!

Those of you who know me very well know I cry the first day of school...every year.

It's one of those unavoidable things my kids know. I can see inside their heads all during the morning of the first day of school. You don't know exactly when it will hit me, but I know they're thinking..."wait for it, wait for it..." and then, BOOM. The tears are there.

I guess, as I've analyzed it through the years I've decided a couple of things. First, it's o.k. We actually laugh about it knowing it's going to happen. It's not about sadness, completely. It's also enormous pride in these people who just keep growing into wonderful young adults.

Second, it's about a milestone. All through the summer it still feels like the last school year. But then, that day hits and there is no running away from the advance of their grade. I might be different or weird. Whatever.

I baked a bunch of goodies yesterday and late into last night. Ashley's school is very small and I try a couple of times a year to take a huge plate of "stuff" to the teachers room, which is also the main office. So, I thought maybe it would distract me from the actual "letting go" process I seem to have trouble with if I were delivering cookies, macaroons, and chocolate peanut butter brownies.

At 7:10 am we walked into the office and Ashley was greeted with great enthusiasm by the head of the Music Department. (He also happens to be doubling as the principal until they hire a new one for next year.) Ashley and Mr. Jones are great friends so there were smiles, and laughter, and excitement. She walked into his office and the chattering began. I laid down the "offering" for the teachers and smiled and waved and started to walk out.

"Bye Mommy." (I love it when my 6 foot 17 year old kid calls me Mommy. It has nothing to do with her being immature or insecure...it is simply a sweet term of great endearment she uses when she needs to say it all in one word. The best part is...she doesn't care who hears.)

That did it. "Oohhh" I said with that tone they recognize as "Mom's about to lose it." (I sound like Laura Petry on the "Dick Van Dyke" show for those of you old enough to know what I'm talking about .)

I turned around and she quickly came to me and said..."Oh Mom, come here." (I love it when they take on the parent role) I hugged her and told her to have a great day. I've been accused of "thinking too much" by my sweet husband who often has to sweep up the pieces of my heart in situations like this. But he wasn't there, and Avery was waiting in the car for me to drop him off so I just plowed forward. As I hugged the neck of my beautiful, accomplished, poised, funny, intelligent daughter...I couldn't help but remember the time I let her walk into the Kindergarten room. Same curly hair. In Kindergarten, I curled her hair the night before. She was a doll. Last night she came to me with wet hair and curlers in hand. "Mom, will you curl my hair for tomorrow?" And today, she's still a doll.

I was enjoying and agonizing through this hug when she said "Mom, your squishing me."

"Oh, sorry." I was holding on a little tight, I guess.

I told her I loved her and quickly walked to the car.

Avery and I chatted to his school which is about another 15 minutes. Told him I was proud of him and that I loved him. As we drove into the parking lot, I slyly patted his arm and gave it a little squeeze. Avery goes to a great school but in a pretty rough part of town. It's a magnet school for those interested specifically in computer, science, math. (Architecture) So, along with the "cream of the crop" kids they pull from all over Fresno, the mix of neighborhood kids sometimes makes it a rough environment. I know better than to do anything that will embarrass him on campus. I would seal his fate if I got out and hugged and cried all over him. So, a little squeeze on the arm is the best I can do there.

I will be so glad to see them this evening.

Happy day, bloggers. Blessings to you all.