It's so good to be able to write about things on our hearts, isn't it?
It really helps me sort through thoughts and feelings to be able to write. It's even better to read your comments and your blogs and see, often, our hearts are connected and similar. What a blessing to be on this journey together, even if it is hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
The down side is, there are times we really can't share on this public forum specifics. Right? I mean, to just lay it all out there with names and dates and specific problems isn't possible and would violate all things pastoral and confidential.
So, forgive me for the lack of detail but here are my thoughts today.
My heart is broken for people. People who are very sick and very scared. People who have marriages that Satan is invading and, at this point, destroying. People who have allowed Satan to inhabit their thoughts and hearts and can't see the destruction around them and in front of them. People who are angry because life isn't what they had hoped for and there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. People who are financially disabled.
Yesterday, it really just overwhelmed me. I felt helpless (which is a very bad feeling for me). I couldn't do anything to fix anybody, including my own personal hurts. So, I did what I always do when I'm sad. I baked cookies.
Someday, I might say, "I went to the gym." But for now, baking cookies is more a comfort for me. I went home to an empty house, turned on a Worship CD as loud as I could stand it, and I baked "Monster Cookies". If you don't have Jack Hayford's "Men in Worship" CD, I strongly recommend you find it. It's an old CD, maybe not available any longer, but it's an absolute time of worship with only men. So beautiful.
I cried, sang, poured ingredients into the bowl, cried some more, poured more ingredients in. The great thing about these particular cookies is you can put whatever you want into them. I put everything I could find. These things have peanut M&M's, plain M&M's, peanut butter, chocolate chips, oatmeal, raisins, (doesn't that make them a health food?). It came to the point where my sadness overwhelmed the bowl. My bowl overflowed and I had to switch to a larger bowl. So I did. I now had a little extra room so I added more M& M's and choc chips. This bowl of cookie dough was huge!
I formed yummy round balls of dough onto the cookie sheets, put them in the oven, sat on the floor by the music and for 8-10 minute intervals (baking time for the cookies), cried and sang and cried and sang. The oven timer went off, I took the cookies out of the oven and repeated the process.
Eventually, I had baked all I could bake and cried all I could cry and as silly as it sounds, felt like God had met me right there amidst the cookie dough.
It's not over. Satan is still in the midst of things and people are still hurting. But today, I'm sure God is God and He will deliver us.
I don't know how big a bowl you need to hold your grief, your sadness, your worries. But God has a bowl that will fit. He is so generous, and compassionate and loving...He will meet us amidst any situation if we call on Him.
It really helps me sort through thoughts and feelings to be able to write. It's even better to read your comments and your blogs and see, often, our hearts are connected and similar. What a blessing to be on this journey together, even if it is hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
The down side is, there are times we really can't share on this public forum specifics. Right? I mean, to just lay it all out there with names and dates and specific problems isn't possible and would violate all things pastoral and confidential.
So, forgive me for the lack of detail but here are my thoughts today.
My heart is broken for people. People who are very sick and very scared. People who have marriages that Satan is invading and, at this point, destroying. People who have allowed Satan to inhabit their thoughts and hearts and can't see the destruction around them and in front of them. People who are angry because life isn't what they had hoped for and there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. People who are financially disabled.
Yesterday, it really just overwhelmed me. I felt helpless (which is a very bad feeling for me). I couldn't do anything to fix anybody, including my own personal hurts. So, I did what I always do when I'm sad. I baked cookies.
Someday, I might say, "I went to the gym." But for now, baking cookies is more a comfort for me. I went home to an empty house, turned on a Worship CD as loud as I could stand it, and I baked "Monster Cookies". If you don't have Jack Hayford's "Men in Worship" CD, I strongly recommend you find it. It's an old CD, maybe not available any longer, but it's an absolute time of worship with only men. So beautiful.
I cried, sang, poured ingredients into the bowl, cried some more, poured more ingredients in. The great thing about these particular cookies is you can put whatever you want into them. I put everything I could find. These things have peanut M&M's, plain M&M's, peanut butter, chocolate chips, oatmeal, raisins, (doesn't that make them a health food?). It came to the point where my sadness overwhelmed the bowl. My bowl overflowed and I had to switch to a larger bowl. So I did. I now had a little extra room so I added more M& M's and choc chips. This bowl of cookie dough was huge!
I formed yummy round balls of dough onto the cookie sheets, put them in the oven, sat on the floor by the music and for 8-10 minute intervals (baking time for the cookies), cried and sang and cried and sang. The oven timer went off, I took the cookies out of the oven and repeated the process.
Eventually, I had baked all I could bake and cried all I could cry and as silly as it sounds, felt like God had met me right there amidst the cookie dough.
It's not over. Satan is still in the midst of things and people are still hurting. But today, I'm sure God is God and He will deliver us.
I don't know how big a bowl you need to hold your grief, your sadness, your worries. But God has a bowl that will fit. He is so generous, and compassionate and loving...He will meet us amidst any situation if we call on Him.
2 comments:
I can't help wondering how much different the apocalypse would be if those angels in Rev. 16 were to have bowls of cookie dough instead of bowls of wrath. Probably better.
I love you. In spite of your dogged determination to bring bad Disney music into heaven with you. Maybe because of it.
Hang in there. I don't really know if cookie dough and the sugar make things better, but the worship part sounds great.
Steph made some chocolate chip cookies just two days ago. It's wonderful being the dad because no one tells you "enough". Thanks for reminding me, so I'm off for a coffee and two, maybe three cookies.
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