"Aren't you going to get up?" Lex said sweetly as he left for work today...

"Nope." I answered defiantly. "I'm staying right here for 2 weeks! Somebody else is going to have to run the conference and plan worship. I'm tired and I can't do it."

"O.K." he answered. "Let me know how that works for you."

What's he been watchin'? Dr. Phil?

I wanted to stay in bed today...in fact, I did for a long time until I finally decided I could drag myself out.

This conference has me scared silly for some reason. This is the 4th time I've put this thing together, and this time, for some reason is worse than all the others.

I remember the first time not being able to eat much the week before, but I didn't feel overwhelmed like I do now.

Finally, about 11:30, I sat on my bed ready to go to work and decided I needed to pray. I was the only one home so the house was quiet...I bowed my head and tried to pray. All I could hear was a plane going over our house, the spa pump from the house behind us, and Avery's fish tank bubbling. It sounded like percussion in my head.

I finally said, "Oh, brother, God! I can't even pray I'm so frazzled!"

It took me a couple of minutes just sitting there with my eyes closed hearing all the sounds. Finally, I was able to talk...pray...request...plead.

I know He's in charge. I know worry and fear are forms of doubt and unfaithfulness. And, I know this next week will be wonderful, uplifting, encouraging, challenging, and full of God.

I couldn't help but think "why would God want a relationship with me? why use this frazzled overwhelmed woman to do the work you've set before her? why not find someone who is capable, able, competent, sophisticated, brilliant...blah, blah, blah?"

I know there's a Bible story in there somewhere. "don't use me...I can't speak"

Sometimes we forget God uses us not because we're slick and have it all together...but precisely because we are a mess. What's the use of being God if you only use those who are perfect? He did that once...covered us for eternity...now it's up to us to be His tool.

Pray for the conference. Selfishly I ask you to pray for me. I want to be poised and gracious and, most of all, Godly.

Pray for the safety of the planes and cars coming into town through the fog.

Above all, pray that hearts are touched and God is glorified.