A few days ago, Tuesday to be exact, it was Lex's Birthday!

It's not that we didn't celebrate, although it was just Lex and I at home as the kids were still in Abilene, it's just that we celebrated quietly.
I asked him if he wanted to go to a movie and dinner that night and he was agreeable. Then, as I know he's been wanting to see Narnia, I assumed that would be the choice of movie. His response to that was, "I can't see that without the kids..."



So, we saw something else and then went to a late quiet dinner after the movie. It was a very nice time together. But, tonight, we have tickets to see Narnia...with the kids...
It will be nice to be together...the four of us.

As I said at the beginning of this school year, I'm so aware that my time with this little family unit is short lived. Is that to say we'll never be together as a foursome after the kids head off to college? Of course not. But it won't be the same.

So, tonight, we'll enjoy some time together. The four of us. We'll laugh, talk, watch a good movie together, probably even fuss a little bit...and it will be wonderful.

I tease Lex that he will never really grow up...that on a good day, he's about 12, but his normal attitudes and activities involve those from about an 8 year old boy.

He's fun, and silly, and sweet, and innocent, and doesn't mind spontaneity!

Lex is one of the best father's I've ever known. He is extraordinarily devoted to his children. He loves them with a selfless love...provides them with constant hugs and tackles and sweet touches. Showers them with praise of things he's proud of them for...and, reminds them every night as he prays with them before bed, who he serves.

Lex is a great man. I'm blessed to have been chosen to partner with him in this life.

AP - Veggie burgers and tofu do not have strong health benefits, says a new heart association study on soy-based foods... Whew! What a relief! I'm waiting for the study that says that exercise really isn't that good for you and potatoes are life lengthening, particularly when topped with butter, cheese, sour cream, and bacon bits!


O.K. On to more serious matters. My sweet children come home today. They left with the ZOE group Sunday to check out Abilene Christian University for a few days. They were blessed to stay with Mike, Diane, and Chris Cope. They were shuttled around by Mike, Sally Gary, and Matt Maxwell. Amazing people. They walked the campus, checked out Mike Cope and Randy Harris' Bible class, listened in on a class taught by Sally Gary, and ate some great pizza with the Maxwell's and B.B.Q. from "Harold's". Never been there, but Avery said he was waiting for Bo and Luke Duke to come strolling in any minute. He loved it.

I'll be eager to hear what they thought about the school. Any Abilene Alum out there want to put in their "two cents" on this subject?

I can't say much about the Conference because it was truly overwhelming. Listening to Leonard Sweet, John York, and others talk about becoming a more missional church was invigorating, as well as convicting.

Teresa Newsom signed the songs we were singing again, and as always, put a new beauty to the song that you hadn't felt before. She is so gifted.

Lee Smith and Bill Barksdale work for days...literally days...to provide two of the most amazing dinners for the ZOE group...(and those of us working the conference). They feed about 70 people both nights in the most beautiful and delicious way you've ever seen. I don't know if there is a group that works harder and longer than that group to prepare, cook, and serve...and with smiles and joy! What a blessing they are to this church and to me personally.

We had people providing lunches, housing guests, making the foyer beautiful with fresh fruit and munchies and water, registering people, babysitting "ZOE kids", praying with and for folks, taking care of a "green room" for the ZOE group to get away to when needed, (complete with fruit, sodas, water, chocolate, nuts, couches, etc...), and on and on the list goes.

Of course, if you've read Stevens blog, he's told you how hard his wife, my sister-in-law, works. She's a maniac! She loves to work herself to death! She takes on anything that I don't need to handle and handles it beautifully. 4 years ago, she helped just because she was related...during that ZOE weekend, she discovered her "place"...her "gift". It was a beautiful discovery for her...she went from being Steven's wife, to having absolute value all on her own.

Now, it wouldn't matter if I was running the conference or someone else, she would be on the team.

I guess to wrap this up, I will say again how very thankful I am that soy isn't the miracle food (if you can call it that) that they once thought it was. One less thing I have to feel guilty about not doing!

But, even more than that, I am so grateful for this place...College Church. Not because we have it all together...goodness no! But because of the family that meets here. They are generous, hospitable, gracious, loving, accepting, and hard working. I'm so blessed to be part of them.

All I can say about the conference is...

wow...wow...wow...

God is good. God is generous with His blessings. God is merciful and gracious.

It was a beautiful and wonderful weekend.

I'll write more later...on another day. But for now, I'm going to bed for about a day and a half.

Good night sweet bloggers.

There's only so much you can write when it's the Wednesday before a National Worship Conference which begins Friday...

However, as God always does, He allowed me to go, go, go, and then finally, drew my attention back to Him.

I started to have some minor physical problems that, if it were not the week of the conference, I would have ignored. However, I need to be at my best, so I called my Dr and went in yesterday at 10:40 am. I didn't really have much time, but knew it was the best course of action. So, at 11:30, when I was still in the waiting room, I went up the the front counter and asked if they had forgotten me. They informed me that she was running one to two hours behind.

What should I have said then? What would you have said?

"You have got to be kidding me!" I said graciously. (insert sarcastic tone here)

They finally got me in. Told me my heart wasn't pumping like it should so my veins weren't contracting like they should so my ankles and feet are becoming the size of my thighs. (and if you've seen me, you know that's not a good thing!).

"We need to do an ultra sound of your heart to see what's going on." the Dr. said.

Do you know what I said?

"I don't have time for this. I'll worry about it next week."

Isn't that silly? Now that I look back on it, that was really silly.

Anyway, she listened to my worried words about all I have to do and how I'm already late for a meeting at my office and I hate to keep people waiting and next week I will promise to look into this heart thing and can you please just give me something to get me through Sunday so I can finish this Conference up successfully!

Her response..."you know that was all in one breath, in fact, I haven't noticed you actually take a deep breath since you've been here...and, it sounds like you're not depending on your source of strength...and, yes, I'll give you 4 pills to get you through this week, but then you come back and we'll see what's going on with your heart."

Hhmmm...

I'm glad I didn't have to get tough with her. But that "source of strength" comment was a low blow. She's a Christian...we've talked before...she's asked me to pray for her daughter, we've shared thoughts on mothering, etc...

So, yesterday, once again, God had to grab my face and make me look in his eyes.

Thank you, God.

Pray for this weekend.
Pray for the travelers to be safe.
Pray we don't have fog that hinders the planes from arriving.
Pray that God is all over this weekend...all over this church...all over the speakers, teachers, singers, participants...all over our hearts.

18 years ago today I was tired, overwhelmed, and blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

My sweet Ashley was born...

When I began this journey of parenting, I had no idea what I was doing. I had no clue what a difficult thing it was. I had no concept of what it felt like to have such unconditional love and acceptance for another person.

Ashley has taught me more than I will ever teach her.

Ashley is beautiful...inside and out.
Ashley is kind...but tough.
Ashley is talented...She sings, plays French Horn, teaches children, excels in school.
Ashley is Godly...she lives by His commandments and shares a deep personal relationship with her Creator.
Ashley cares deeply for people. She's the friend you want...in good times and bad.
Ashley is my daughter...my flesh and blood...my great blessing.

As an adopted person, I never really understood the "family connection" some folks have. Especially sister to sister. I understood my own blessing of being placed by God in a home that was clearly my family, but didn't "get" the deep down family connection of people thinking what you think before you say it. I didn't experience the family resemblance aspect of life because I didn't look like anybody else in my family. That's not bad, it's just the way it was...until Ashley.

As I looked into her little face I realized that my DNA, my traits, my blood had been transferred miraculously into this little person. As she has grown and developed into an amazing young woman, I am continually amazed by the connection she and I have. It's something I can't quite put into words, but it's obvious when you know the two of us.


There is so much about Ashley that I love. But even beyond love, I respect who she is. Ashley will make a difference wherever she is. Ashley will represent our family well. Ashley will represent our church well. Ashley will represent God well.

I'm so proud of who she is.
I'm so blessed to be her mother.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl!

Just want to thank all of you who have emailed me or commented on my blog.

I appreciate your prayers, your thoughts, your comments.

It's amazing this "community" we've been blessed with, not just through blogging, but through Jesus Christ. I say often, and it's worth repeating, relationship with each other is one of the greatest gifts God gave us...don't you think?

Anyway, prayer works. Things are looking up. I'm feeling like this thing just might come off in a big way! Fortunately, it's not up to me...

My friend, Eric, the Executive Director of ZOE comes on Saturday. He comes early for two reasons. One, he helps with all the final details, and two, we're friends and it gives us an excuse to spend some time together.

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Hard to believe...in fact, I can't think about it without a little break down. What's the difference in ages? Why are some more difficult to accept than others? She's been deep in their school show the last two weeks. Leaving the house about 7:am and not returning until 11:pm. They needed cookies to sell at the concession stand during intermission Thursday - Sunday, and I got volunteered somehow. Ashley promised me she didn't suggest it, but none-the-less, amidst everything, I'm baking a bunch of cookies.

Enough.
I'm babbling.
Keep praying.
Love you all.

"Aren't you going to get up?" Lex said sweetly as he left for work today...

"Nope." I answered defiantly. "I'm staying right here for 2 weeks! Somebody else is going to have to run the conference and plan worship. I'm tired and I can't do it."

"O.K." he answered. "Let me know how that works for you."

What's he been watchin'? Dr. Phil?

I wanted to stay in bed today...in fact, I did for a long time until I finally decided I could drag myself out.

This conference has me scared silly for some reason. This is the 4th time I've put this thing together, and this time, for some reason is worse than all the others.

I remember the first time not being able to eat much the week before, but I didn't feel overwhelmed like I do now.

Finally, about 11:30, I sat on my bed ready to go to work and decided I needed to pray. I was the only one home so the house was quiet...I bowed my head and tried to pray. All I could hear was a plane going over our house, the spa pump from the house behind us, and Avery's fish tank bubbling. It sounded like percussion in my head.

I finally said, "Oh, brother, God! I can't even pray I'm so frazzled!"

It took me a couple of minutes just sitting there with my eyes closed hearing all the sounds. Finally, I was able to talk...pray...request...plead.

I know He's in charge. I know worry and fear are forms of doubt and unfaithfulness. And, I know this next week will be wonderful, uplifting, encouraging, challenging, and full of God.

I couldn't help but think "why would God want a relationship with me? why use this frazzled overwhelmed woman to do the work you've set before her? why not find someone who is capable, able, competent, sophisticated, brilliant...blah, blah, blah?"

I know there's a Bible story in there somewhere. "don't use me...I can't speak"

Sometimes we forget God uses us not because we're slick and have it all together...but precisely because we are a mess. What's the use of being God if you only use those who are perfect? He did that once...covered us for eternity...now it's up to us to be His tool.

Pray for the conference. Selfishly I ask you to pray for me. I want to be poised and gracious and, most of all, Godly.

Pray for the safety of the planes and cars coming into town through the fog.

Above all, pray that hearts are touched and God is glorified.

There are a couple of reasons I love this picture...

First, it's taken at Pismo. We love going to Pismo. It's a place we all get together to laugh, play, eat, read, sleep, enjoy each other.

This is the balcony of the condo we stay in for the week we are there. This is where I can get my heart rate to slow down and my breathing to deepen.

I love the way the air smells. I love the pier in the background. I love hearing the waves crash on the sand. I love watching people play on the sand. But above all, I love those two boys in the picture. That is my son and my nephew.

I love the way Steven (my brother) asked me not to name my son James because he hoped to have a son one day and wanted to name him after our Dad. So, Avery's middle name is James, and eventually, there was another James Thurman.

I love the way the big one is gently taking care of the little one. I love the way the little one is calm and trusting, knowing the big one is there if he should need anything.

You see, Avery stepped out there because James stepped on the railing. It made Avery nervous to see him stand there without someone to catch him if he were to slip. We know James probably couldn't have slipped under or through those railings, but Avery wasn't positive and wanted to be there just in case.

I love the massiveness of God. I love the magnitude of His amazing creation. I love the overwhelming greatness of God as seen in the ocean, the mountains, the desert, and on and on.

But, I also love the deep, quiet, gentle bigness of my God.

We all have tough times.

Cars crash through our kitchens.
Children prepare to leave home.
We struggle financially.
We battle difficult relationships.
We lose loved ones.
Marriages struggle.
We live far from those we love.

and on and on the list goes....

Know this...the next time you find yourself out on the railing, there is a big, quiet, gentle one right beside you...hanging out, loving you, guiding you, protecting you. Don't just know it in your head, feel His presence deep in your soul. He gave it all to keep you safe.

That's why I love this picture.

 

I told you I would be a New Year's baker this year...and a New Year's baker I was!

Sunday was wonderful. Steve Thurman did a remarkable job speaking to the church...don't tell him I said this, but he is obviously growing and deepening and maturing. It's difficult when you've always been good, as he has, since a very young age. I think a lot is expected of you. But to see him grow in wisdom and gentleness and courage as he speaks is beautiful.

So, we expected a sleepy, late, sparse crowd. We had an on-time (for the most part), energetic, good crowd who came ready to worship together. God is amazing. Always the unexpected.

Then, after church, we ate quickly and headed home where I put together 12 baskets of goodies for friends we specifically wanted to thank or love on for various reasons. My kids had a choice, and they chose to come with Lex and I. In the Tahoe we piled with goodies spread out in the back...in the pouring-didn't-let-up-for-two-days rain.

We went from house to house...Lex would hop out, grab the goodies and schlep up in the puddles to the homes. He would hand off the goodies, tell them we loved them and Happy New Year, as the kids and I would wave from the dry, warm vehicle. It was beautiful. Every house had someone home...and Lex got a hug and a thank you from each place.

It was a blast. The puddles, the rain, the music, the conversation. It was good to take all those people little bites of our appreciation and love for what they've meant to us all year...but the best part...three hours in the car with my family, uninterrupted. It was our last year to have both kids at home. I appreciated every second of it.

How can something so wonderful and beautiful be so disgusting and irritating to me now?

I stand looking at this tree that a couple of weeks ago I was so proud of...ick! Somebody get rid of it!

I look outside and see the lights my son so proudly displayed and I'm ready to scream...put that stuff away!

I guess it's the same romantic feeling you have about your spouse when you first meet...it's wonderful how spontaneous and flexible they are, and then 19 years later, it irritates you that they don't live by a "plan"...that your future isn't mapped out perfectly. Same person, just different expectations.

I'll tell you one thing I'm so grateful for:

God continues to amaze me and overwhelm me.

He continues to draw me closer and gives me just enough for the moment until I'm ready for more. He is indescribable. He is all sufficient. He is God.

So, when my dissatisfied heart looks around and seems to see only stuff that irritates, overwhelms, and flusters me...I look to the foundation of my soul and feel peace.

I'll get the tree down. Avery will take care of the outside lights...another year will come and go...but God is God and for that I am so grateful.