1:30 Pacific 4:30 New York

My baby girl left this morning for New York. What a strange sentence to type. She's never flown on a plane, and as far as I can remember, never been out of California!

As I was driving this morning at 5:45 am to get her to school to board the bus headed for SanFrancisco, we made a deal. "Ash, if I look at you and say 'bye honey, I love you', that means I can't take it and I will have to go."

The last thing Ashley wants is for her mom to stand out by the crowd of kids and parents and charter busses and sob uncontrollably.

"That's fine, Mom", she says, "you don't even have to get out. Just drop me off...I'm fine."

The truth is, she really is fine. She's strong and beautiful and so excited to go to New York she's about to bust out of her skin. The other horrible truth about it all is I'm so afraid she's going to love it and want to look harder at the two New York schools that have been sending her stuff...Yikes! How will I get to her if somebody breaks her heart, or is ugly to her, or if she just needs me for no other reason than the fact that I'm her Mom? I guess I'll have to cross that devastating bridge when I get to it.

12 years ago we walked a similar little path...similar because she was strong and literally pulling me along and I was trying to slow her down and choking back the tears. She walked right up to that Kindergarten door and let go of my hand and ran in looking back for a split second to say "Bye Mom". That time, I made her come back to me, though. "Get back here and hug me!" I said with tears.

Doesn't she know that each time we walk those paths, she grows a little more?
Steps away from dependence another little bit?
Not only stands on her own two feet but soars with little or no help from me?
Oh how that hurts...and yet, causes such pride and extreme joy in my heart the tears can't help but be mixed with happiness.

I am so proud of her.
She is playing her French Horn with the Wind Ensemble at Carnegie Hall...that, too is a strange statement to say.

My daughter is playing Carnegie Hall. Goodness...where did the time go?

This morning didn't change much from 12 years ago. She quickly pulled out her suitcase, her French Horn, and her carry on luggage from the Tahoe...ran to meet up with the other kids...found the chaperone she was supposed to check in with...made a few alterations to the seating arrangements...and finally came back to where I was standing..."Bye Mom" she said with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen her wear...

"Have fun, Ashley...Be sweet, Ashley...I love you, Ashley"

I hugged her as tight as I could, took in a deep breath so I could remember the smell of my girl for the next 6 days, and felt the tears start rolling down my face.

"This is where you get in the truck, Mom. I love you."

This parenting thing isn't for the weak.