20 years

Daughter and I worked for about 12 hours yesterday. She is leading a Wednesday Night Children's (Pre-School - 5th Grade) program for the church and I am doing my own work, as well as assisting and encouraging her with hers.

We limped our tired bodies in the house last night exhausted and very hungry. Went back to the bedroom to change when my son said, "Mom, when you're done, come in my room." He didn't tell me any more, but I don't miss a chance to spend time with my children, so, although I was a bit irritable and wanted to be "done", I headed back to his room.

"Sit down," he instructed me as he pointed to the bed. His sister was already on laying down on the bed so I joined her. Along came my husband, with a box of kleenex.

Avery popped an old looking cassette tape into his player and pressed play. Then, he just looked at me, watching my reaction as the taped court proceedings of my adoption played. It was old, distorted, but clear as a bell, I heard my Dad's voice answering the judges questions with "I do", "I will", "I am". Over and over I heard him speak small snippits and eventually, back at the house they lived in at the time, he gave a full commentary on the proceedings.

The words he said were sweet. But it wasn't the words that took me back. It was just his voice. It was the memory of a father who spoke Calm, Gentle, Encouraging words to me. Never harsh, rarely angry (and it was hard to tell even when he was angry.)

I realized how much I still miss him. I saw, for the first time, what a real country boy he was. My daughter asked where he was from. His speech wasn't California. It was Missouri. I really hadn't paid attention to that while he was here.

My son said, "This is the first time I've heard his voice." That made me sad.

However, it made me think about my speech. My words.

I hope, when I'm gone, people remember my speech to be sweet, gentle, and encouraging.

Even though Dad's been gone 20 years (in August), he is still teaching me.

Precious.