God's Faithfulness

Driving on Sunday with my son and husband, something hit me like a pie in the face...

I suddenly said to them, "Isn't it amazing how God brings you through things?"

They were stumped because they don't read my mind and they didn't know which "things" I was referring to, however, they were kind to stay with me in this conversation.

My things are different from your things, although, often we have circles of things that intersect and we can have an understanding of how each other are feeling. (Lost yet?)

For years, and I do mean years, I've lived in a situation of survival. Does that mean I haven't been happy? No, absolutely not. However, we have had difficulties that have plagued us and caused great stress and sometimes even fear.

Now, understand that I know how ever difficult your situation is, you can always find someone in a worse condition...so don't take this as complaining. This is just the reality of my life.

Years ago my husband fell and tore his back requiring major back surgery and loss of job. This begat other unfortunate job situations which begat financial difficulties which begat stress in the marriage which begat lots of fear and resentment and unhappiness. However, through it all, often we would come back together at some point and say, "God is in charge, and I still love you."

We managed to continue serving and trusting, even though our hearts sometimes wanted to run and escape whatever pain we were enduring at the time. Fortunately, we have two amazing kids that took our attention off our own fear and stress and helped us continue to see what really mattered. (Bored yet?)

Then, there came the dropping off of a child 1400 miles away from us. Coming home, I stopped in Gallup, New Mexico. I had a "falling apart" like I've never experienced before. I came unhinged. I prayed for hours asking God to take away the pain and sadness. I begged that He would intervene and "heal" my heart of the breakage. I totally submitted every bit of myself as I cried and begged and cried more. I just knew I would never be o.k. again. I felt like I was never going to function on a "normal" pace again. For me, this was the straw that broke years of hay. He let me feel that way all night and into the next day.

I finally arrived home so glad to see my son and husband. Things seemed better.

I spent a few days "holed up" in my house. I didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I didn't want to have a Christmas Musical this year or celebrate a birthday. I didn't want to be employed any longer and couldn't imagine having to put another worship order together...ever!

Eventually, slowly, my head cleared...

And, driving to a store with my boys, I realized that God had not only brought us through years of difficulties, but had made us better, stronger, wiser.

I don't know how it happened, or when, exactly, but I do know that my husband is working for a wonderful company that promises his employment until he decides he's ready to retire. And when he's finished, he'll actually have a retirement to retire with!

I know that as difficult as the last few years have been, my love and respect for the man I fell in love with 19 years ago is stronger than ever.

I know that my children are healthy, and faithful and Godly.

I know that I found a beautiful Christmas Musical for this year, and, Sunday I will gladly celebrate my 44th Birthday!

But above it all, I know that I'm different. I know that God has not taken me further than what I could bear, and I know that He has been faithful to not only carry me/us through, but make us better in the process.

I know that when someone else is in a dark hole, I can sit and cry and pray with them, but in full confidence say to them:

"There is hope...God is faithful.