After church yesterday, I was up front receiving my weekly hugs from "my peeps". These "peeps" happen to be all under the age of 10.
I get enormous love from these kids who are running down the aisle to join Mr. Lex for class in the front of the auditorium. I just happen to be connected with him so I get to be loved, too. (It also could be that I have what I love to call the "happy jar" in my office that I share with them every so often. Big glass jar full of licorice, sour gum balls (they love those), M&M's, etc...)
Sometimes, if I'm not paying attention, (or happen to be talking to an adult and not looking down), one of them will grab me about knee height and I'm just sure, someday, it's going to be the tackle of the century!
After my usual hug tradition, I gathered my pitch pipe, music, purse, shoes, (I was no longer wearing them) and headed for my office. I stopped to talk to a grandmother who was bringing her two little charges into the auditorium for class. Let me tell you what I knew about her at that time.
She has these two children with her by legal custody. Parents abandoned the kids. She works for Fresno Unified School District, and has put these two (grades 1st and 3rd) into our private school at the church. These children are challenges. Very immature, sometimes the 3rd grader still curls up in a ball and sucks her thumb (but not as much as she used to). 1st grader is ALL OVER THE PLACE! But cute as a button and tries with all his might to do what he's supposed to. It's just absolutely impossible for him to sit still and listen for very long. Grandma is very, very quiet and appears very private. So, I haven't talked with her much...until yesterday morning.
I said good morning to Grandma and asked how she was doing. Her grandson was hugging her neck with all his strength to tell her goodbye before class. It was precious. She looked at me and told me he was in a particularly active mood today. ?!? (as opposed to the other days? I wanted to say but of course didn't)
We small talked for a minute but then she said, "Pray for me. I'm angry. Both parents have re-entered these kids lives and I'm trying to schedule time with both without disrupting any progress that's been made with them."
By now, the tears were silently streaming down her cheek. (she's a very quiet person)
I found out Mom was her daughter. Dad was the daughter's boyfriend for years but never married. Dad now has a new girlfriend who's expecting a child any day now. Both parents want to see their kids. Grandma is scared...and angry.
"This anger is seeping into every other aspect of my life," she said. "No matter what I do, no matter how 'good' I am in other areas, I feel like God is saying to me 'but look at your heart in this situation'." she was still crying very quietly.
I just stood there and listened and ached for this sweet woman who is trying to make a home and a life for these two precious children. I thought about how quiet and private she is...and wondered how many people come, sit, don't share, cry quietly, and we never even know their story or their pain.
Sometimes, as a minister in charge of what happens on Sunday morning, I become very entangled in details. You have to know what you're doing, obviously, but my new prayer is that God handles that stuff for me, gives me peace that He's in charge, and opens my eyes to people instead of details.
What I didn't tell you in the beginning was that my first instinct was to walk right by her...not talk at all. I was tired, I wanted to put my stuff in my office and get a cup of coffee. I wanted to sit for 10 minutes in my empty office and not talk or smile or sing. I just wanted to breathe for a minute.
I'm so grateful God didn't let me. And, I'm always relieved to see that He really is in charge and still working on me!
I get enormous love from these kids who are running down the aisle to join Mr. Lex for class in the front of the auditorium. I just happen to be connected with him so I get to be loved, too. (It also could be that I have what I love to call the "happy jar" in my office that I share with them every so often. Big glass jar full of licorice, sour gum balls (they love those), M&M's, etc...)
Sometimes, if I'm not paying attention, (or happen to be talking to an adult and not looking down), one of them will grab me about knee height and I'm just sure, someday, it's going to be the tackle of the century!
After my usual hug tradition, I gathered my pitch pipe, music, purse, shoes, (I was no longer wearing them) and headed for my office. I stopped to talk to a grandmother who was bringing her two little charges into the auditorium for class. Let me tell you what I knew about her at that time.
She has these two children with her by legal custody. Parents abandoned the kids. She works for Fresno Unified School District, and has put these two (grades 1st and 3rd) into our private school at the church. These children are challenges. Very immature, sometimes the 3rd grader still curls up in a ball and sucks her thumb (but not as much as she used to). 1st grader is ALL OVER THE PLACE! But cute as a button and tries with all his might to do what he's supposed to. It's just absolutely impossible for him to sit still and listen for very long. Grandma is very, very quiet and appears very private. So, I haven't talked with her much...until yesterday morning.
I said good morning to Grandma and asked how she was doing. Her grandson was hugging her neck with all his strength to tell her goodbye before class. It was precious. She looked at me and told me he was in a particularly active mood today. ?!? (as opposed to the other days? I wanted to say but of course didn't)
We small talked for a minute but then she said, "Pray for me. I'm angry. Both parents have re-entered these kids lives and I'm trying to schedule time with both without disrupting any progress that's been made with them."
By now, the tears were silently streaming down her cheek. (she's a very quiet person)
I found out Mom was her daughter. Dad was the daughter's boyfriend for years but never married. Dad now has a new girlfriend who's expecting a child any day now. Both parents want to see their kids. Grandma is scared...and angry.
"This anger is seeping into every other aspect of my life," she said. "No matter what I do, no matter how 'good' I am in other areas, I feel like God is saying to me 'but look at your heart in this situation'." she was still crying very quietly.
I just stood there and listened and ached for this sweet woman who is trying to make a home and a life for these two precious children. I thought about how quiet and private she is...and wondered how many people come, sit, don't share, cry quietly, and we never even know their story or their pain.
Sometimes, as a minister in charge of what happens on Sunday morning, I become very entangled in details. You have to know what you're doing, obviously, but my new prayer is that God handles that stuff for me, gives me peace that He's in charge, and opens my eyes to people instead of details.
What I didn't tell you in the beginning was that my first instinct was to walk right by her...not talk at all. I was tired, I wanted to put my stuff in my office and get a cup of coffee. I wanted to sit for 10 minutes in my empty office and not talk or smile or sing. I just wanted to breathe for a minute.
I'm so grateful God didn't let me. And, I'm always relieved to see that He really is in charge and still working on me!
3 comments:
It's good you took the time. It's only when we take the time that God can use the gifts that are really important. The ones perhaps only the quiet ones will see, and need.
Hang in there,
vmgaqml
And YES, we really do celebrate half b-days.
bbotao
I always wish I had more time on Sunday mornings. I didn't get around to half the people I wanted to yesterday, and that's not taking into consideration those who could have used a moment that I didn't even know of.
I'll be praying for grandmother and grandchildren.
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