There are moments that I miss those two kids so very much it actually aches...physically aches.
There were split seconds as Lex and I drove away from them toward the Dallas airport that I would turn to him and say, "my heart just cracked...really, it cracked. Did you hear it?"
There is this void in my life that I can't quite get used to, and yet, I know it's right. I know it's God's plan. I know it's happening in a beautiful way.
What I desire more than anything else for my children is that they follow God's plan, whatever that is, even if it doesn't fall in line with my plan. Because the only way I survive the horrible 1400 mile distance between us is to know, without a doubt, God has them in the palm of His hands. He is their guide, their hope, their rock. Why would I want anything different?
Yesterday, when Ash called to say "hi" after church, I told her Sunday was the worst day for my aching heart. I didn't know why, and she responded that on Sunday, we were all together the whole day. Getting to church early together, worshiping together, eating lunch together, laughing, watching movies, napping...together. So, of course that would be the day I missed them most.
So, yesterday, when one of my favorite people got up to lead a prayer for communion, I felt that silly lump in my throat that comes without warning. Not because it was communion, but because it was somebody my son has had a life long sweet friendship with. Because I can see them as 3 year old, 9 year old, 13 year old...together, building boats to go in the swimming pool, running through sprinklers together, hanging out after church together, building forts. All these memories come flooding through my mind at the most inopportune moments!
And now, this handsome, grown up, young man is leading the church in communion, and my boy is far away. (I know this may be the part where Brady comments something like "you're such a mess".)
I'm waiting for their absence to feel like the new normal. I wonder how long that will take?
Blessings!
There were split seconds as Lex and I drove away from them toward the Dallas airport that I would turn to him and say, "my heart just cracked...really, it cracked. Did you hear it?"
There is this void in my life that I can't quite get used to, and yet, I know it's right. I know it's God's plan. I know it's happening in a beautiful way.
What I desire more than anything else for my children is that they follow God's plan, whatever that is, even if it doesn't fall in line with my plan. Because the only way I survive the horrible 1400 mile distance between us is to know, without a doubt, God has them in the palm of His hands. He is their guide, their hope, their rock. Why would I want anything different?
Yesterday, when Ash called to say "hi" after church, I told her Sunday was the worst day for my aching heart. I didn't know why, and she responded that on Sunday, we were all together the whole day. Getting to church early together, worshiping together, eating lunch together, laughing, watching movies, napping...together. So, of course that would be the day I missed them most.
So, yesterday, when one of my favorite people got up to lead a prayer for communion, I felt that silly lump in my throat that comes without warning. Not because it was communion, but because it was somebody my son has had a life long sweet friendship with. Because I can see them as 3 year old, 9 year old, 13 year old...together, building boats to go in the swimming pool, running through sprinklers together, hanging out after church together, building forts. All these memories come flooding through my mind at the most inopportune moments!
And now, this handsome, grown up, young man is leading the church in communion, and my boy is far away. (I know this may be the part where Brady comments something like "you're such a mess".)
I'm waiting for their absence to feel like the new normal. I wonder how long that will take?
Blessings!
2 comments:
I think your love for your children is a great example of God's love for us. He wants to spend so much time with us and I'm sure His heart just cracks when we leave Him.
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