It is good to be home with my husband tonight...

They worked hard, medically/drug-wise, to get his blood pressure down just so they could give him the medication that "amps" him up as to running a marathon. He said it was very weird feeling the feelings of running hard and long all the while laying still.

He has bruises from i.v. inputs, bruises from taking his blood pressure every half hour for the past 3 days, and sore muscles from not so comfy hospital beds. But, he's home and I couldn't be happier.

The stress test proved no damage to his heart. Valves are open and flowing properly. No blockages. The only problem seems to be a calloused heart. (silly wording...they obviously don't know lex) The walls of his heart are tough and thick from too much time ignoring the high blood pressure and not taking his medication.

He is a changed man. He has many people very frustrated, but grateful. He won't get away with not taking his medicine ever again.

He has a very ugly orange shirt that he happens to love. He came walking out in that ugly orange shirt after his first shower in three days. He's never looked so good to me.

Thank you for those who knew and prayed. We were overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and concern. Community is a beautiful thing...

Valentines Day...the morning after.

What a sweet Valentine night I had. I spent it with my two favorite boys...my husband and my son.

I love occasions that cause you to stop and say how much someone means to you...and Valentines Day is one of those occasions.

I am fully aware I have very little "normal home" time left with my Avery, so last night, Lex and I cooked a wonderful dinner at home. I don't like going out on holidays like this because everything is overpriced, crowded, and short on relaxation!

Lex BBQ'd steaks and we had baked potatoes and green beans and beautiful bread. We sipped sparkling cider from wedding present champagne glasses, and a home made heart chocolate cake for dessert! The table had a fresh red table cloth and I wore my new (from Christmas) red apron.

We gave Avery what any truck owning 17 year old boy would want...gas gift cards! And my sweet husband came walking in with a beautiful "kitchen-y" basket from William Sonoma with fresh dish towels, kitchen tools, a Paula Deen DVD Set (I love that woman), and pixie sticks. Yes, you read that correctly. I adore pixie sticks.

The presents were fun. The dinner was fabulous. But the best part was the conversation. The laughter. The silliness. The "just-being-together".

I'm not waiting until a holiday to do it again. Every time you get to be together with your family should be viewed as a special occasion.

Blessings...

One of my favorite things to do these days, is lay on my sons bed, which is bumped right up against his desk/computer, of which he spends countless hours. So, sometimes, if I want a conversation with him, I must go to him.

The bed is a great place because I'm not standing over him, I'm relaxed, which seems to relax him, and I can't see the computer screen...so he knows I'm just there for him and not to "check up" on him. (Not that I'm beyond that, but it's just not usually necessary.)

He was IM-ing with his sister last night. I love watching him giggle quietly as their comments to each other flew...and I mean FLEW back and forth. They are both very witty people, so when they get together, it can be amusing.

I just sat back, enjoyed the sounds of his room, (computer, fish tank, music, etc.). I was looking around in between conversation with him and his sister, and then my eyes landed on the top of the inside of his closet. Hot Wheel Tracks and cars, Robots, Legos, and on the floor, Dump Trucks, Children's Books, and so on. My son takes very good care of his "stuff" and has saved some things for his son.

My eyes filled, my throat closed up...my heart pounded. Where did the time go? I looked at him, and then back to the closet and back to him. His sweet face, and beautiful spirit...funny heart and sometimes difficult personality, his sideburns and muscles...

I don't think I'm alone in missing the grown up stuff at times. I think, as parents, we tend to see our kids as just kids. Maybe not babies, but definitely not grown up people.

My son is a grown up person. Complete with a mind of his own and a heart determined to be on it's own path. He's an amazing, caring, hard working young man.

I miss the Legos, the feet of track and cars I would trip over. I miss the sweet boy who couldn't sit close enough to you. I miss the gentle "do whatever you say" spirit. But, those days were just a preparation for what he is now...and what he is becoming.

Look out world. There is one awesome young man about to enter your gates!

Contagious Passion...

I have been talking recently with someone who is very dear to me...my daughter.

We talk often, but the conversations contained in the past two days have not been the typical mother-daughter stuff as usual. Oh, those words are still there...but there's more.

She is being awakened to a hurting world, a lost world, a world she is beginning to feel a responsibility to. ACU does a beautiful job of informing and presenting many different ways you can be involved in the "betterment" of this planet. She has grabbed on with gusto.

Her passion is contagious. Her heart is full of ideas. Her mind is reeling with possibilities.

Do you remember that feeling? Before you "got the sense knocked into you?" Before you let reality set in? Before you decided you could only do so much?

I am so grateful for her passion. I think it's time the church wakes up to this generation of intelligent, passionate, amazing people. We could learn, or re-learn, much from them.

Do we really want to be missional? Do we? Really?

It's not pretty...but, goodness, it's beautiful!

I am one tired puppy.
It wasn't the endless Christmas rehearsals, nor was it the long hours planning and enjoying the ZOE Conference. It wasn't the Super Bowl Party and it isn't the daily tasks of life. I'm just tired. I've been going to the Dr since August trying to figure this whole thing out. So far, we are continuing to treat the effects of the imbalances (no jokes please), but haven't discovered the REASON for the imbalance.

Randy once told me there is no guilt in blogland, and I don't have to apologize for not writing on a regular basis. I'm trying to believe that!

I have had so many "God moments" I've wanted to share for the past couple of months, but really just haven't had the energy.

So, my friends, I will ask you again to pray for my health. I know there are those in much worse situations than I, and I feel silly even bringing it up. But, it's a constant cloud over my every day comings and goings.

God has been so evident in my life. He is so very good to me. He is constant and faithful. I want to be teachable. I don't ever want to think " I've arrived " at some kind of spiritual maturity. But Satan can seep into you through discouragement and this has been a long enough battle for me to become discouraging.

Thank you in advance for your presence in my life and the prayers you will say on my behalf.

It's ZOE Week!

How many of you will I have the pleasure of seeing this weekend?

Pray for this special time, please.

Safe travels for those coming from distant places.
Hearts open. Minds willing to stretch and discover. Hands ready to do.

May you all be blessed this week whether or not your in our midst here for the conference.

We'll talk more next week!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!

It doesn't seem possible, but today my first baby turns 19!

She will spend the day in the air and in the Dallas airport...waiting.

Her flight was supposed to leave yesterday, but there were ice and snow storms that prevented the planes from landing in Dallas. So, very early this morning, her Dad and I took her back to the airport hoping and praying that the air was clear enough to send her on her way. Classes were cancelled today at ACU because so many are having difficulty getting back to Abilene.

As we pray today, remember all the kids driving and flying trying to get back to school. Icy roads, Icy planes, Icy trains...very scary for parents and kids.

I don't know what I did to deserve such a beautiful and talented young woman to claim as my daughter...but I'm so very thankful for her. She is a bright, shining light in my world.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby!

We are headed to Pismo this afternoon. It is a combination New Year's celebration but, more important, we are celebrating Lex turning 40 this month.

Hard to believe! The fact that 2006 is drawing to a close, AND, the fact that my sweet man is turning 40.

We plan on relaxing, eating, laughing, playing games, lighting off some almost legal fireworks on New Year's Eve, and generally, just refreshing ourselves and enjoying time together.

I wish you all could be with us. That would make it even better...but, for now, let me just say Happy New Year to you all!

May God's hand continue to be on you and your family.
May you find new and beautiful ways to serve in the Kingdom in 2007, and may you be inspired to seek out every missional opportunity in the coming year.

Blessings!

The Morning After

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Day with family.

It is so good to be together.

I am amazed each year by the generosity and thoughtfulness of people.

I woke up this morning feeling very blessed and fortunate.

God is good. God is amazing.
I am so thankful to be his child.
What a wonderful thing.

What a wonderful night!

Singers were fantastic.

Children were priceless.

Narrators were perfect.

Tech team was flawless.

Seniors holding candles were precious.

Interpreters (sign language) were exquisite.

Amongst the practiced and rehearsed, God came.
He filled up the room.
He filled up the hearts.

He did for us last night what He does for us every day...
He covered us with grace and mercy and made us better than we really are!
Thank you, Jesus...Thank you!

This is what I want to feel like...
This is how I want to be seen...
This is my goal...










This is how I feel inside!







But don't tell...I don't want it to get out that I'm losing my mind and wondering how in the world I'm going to pull this all off. I mean, everything. The Musical, Christmas, Presents, Worship this Sunday, Pictures for the directory...(do you know how stressful that is? C'mon...admit it, directory pics are horrible!)

God is in charge, God is in charge, God is in charge...

O.K. I feel better.
Now, does anyone out there have a 3 day diet that will allow me to continue to eat but lose about 50 lbs before Sunday? Anybody?
I sure hope my dress zips up Sunday night!

Have a good Wednesday!

Rehearsal went well...there are some little gliches we need to work out, however, I believe we are on target for a wonderful night this coming Sunday. YIKES!!

I've even managed to get some Christmas shopping done with presents wrapped and under the tree. I keep wondering what I've forgotten because things seem to be running rather smoothly.

I had one "key" alto tell me yesterday they had a family conflict with our Saturday morning rehearsal...that's the rehearsal where every single person is in place. It all comes together on that morning, except this year...this year we will be depending on the airlines, the weather, and general holiday travel to get that alto back and in her place on Sunday. No problem...

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Working on a very cool band we've named the "House Band" for a worship time at the ZOE conference in January. If you're able, come check out the conference the last weekend in January. (26th - 28th) It's wonderful to see people able to use their gifts and passion for their instrument in a worship element. I feel sorry, sometimes, for the folks who have such a love for their instrument but have a commitment to the Church of Christ. This isn't a debate for or against instrumental music...just simply an observation.

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Had a wonderful chat with one of the sweetest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. She's a rock here at College...somebody who has been here since the beginning. She encourages constantly, sees the best in people, continues to study and learn about Jesus Christ. She is over 70, and yet, continues to learn like a 5 year old. With passion and hunger for more. She's one who will say to me, "I don't tell you enough what a wonderful job you do." What a blessing to have people like that in your life. I was looking at her this morning as we were chatting and thinking I hope I can be as gracious and beautiful and Godly as she when I'm an older woman. Beautiful example.

Have a wonderful week, Bloggers. Try to catch the goodness of it all as this season becomes more hectic with each passing day.

December 7 is a date that many remember as Pearl Harbor Day.

December 7 holds additional meaning for me.

I remember my Dad as gentle. He never raised his voice or yelled.

I remember my Dad as a Bible scholar...always reading and studying.

I remember that my Dad broke C of C lines as he had Saturday prayer meetings with Catholics, Pentecostal, and even "one-cuppers".

I remember he struggled...really struggled with depression.

I remember listening to him talk about heaven, and being with God, and how much he was looking forward to that.

I remember my Dad coming in every night to tuck me into bed and telling me the story that always began..."once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl..." I never tired of the story of my adoption according to Dad.

I remember my Dad could tell a joke.

And boy, oh boy, could he sneeze! That man scared us to death with his sneezes!

I remember my Dad bought my Mom really pretty clothes. For the most part, church clothes. Nice clothes. Things she would never have bought for herself.

I remember my Dad thanking my Mom for the good dinner...every single night.

I remember my Dad telling me there was something special about Lex.

I remember putting Ashley on his lap in this cute little stiff church outfit, and he said, "hasn't she worn this long enough? Can we take this off her so she can relax?"

I've often wished he had stuck around a little longer. There has been much to rejoice about in our family. Many good times and great blessings that I know, had he still been here, he would have enjoyed.

But, I also know he longed to be where he is...with God...for eternity.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

God took care of Sunday. Of course, again. As always.

I explained to the Praise Team my "sail boat" feeling and they understood. We managed to joke for the rest of the morning using sailing metaphors. It was a good distractor, as well as reminder, that we aren't in charge.

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My girl called me Sunday afternoon sounding awful. She's sick...first time away from home feeling really lousy. She went to the on campus medical thingy and they said she has a severe allergy to mold and dust. Abilene happens to be full of both! She never suffered here in the valley, like many do, but they said it isn't uncommon for out of towners to suffer quite a bit the first year they're there. (Hey, Wendy...how 'bout that...proper use of "they're" and "there".) So, we're praying and hoping she feels better in quick time.

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Sunday night rehearsal was amazing. I couldn't believe I was standing there with mics and narrators and soloists and the music. Time has flown. I mean, just absolutely raced by. Everything was beautiful. We aren't perfect...yet, but we'll be pretty close by the time the 17th rolls around.

One of my favorite things about doing a musical is what happens on the sidelines. Sure, it's a thrill to present...to perform. But the real stuff happens internally on people.

One person told me she felt like she really "belonged" by singing. She hadn't found her place yet, and through this time of practice, she's found friends and a "spot" she feels she fits in.

We have a young soloist who is the very picture of a beautiful, innocent, Godly young woman...growing and changing in the love of Christ. I tear up every time she sings her part because of the sweetness of it.

There are children singing with all their heart!

There are the "not-so-young" singing for the first time and learning new things.

We have close to professional people doing their thing on a solo...knocking our socks off every time.

We have fellowship, and laughter, and tears. Hard work, frustration, and "oops...let's try that again."

But my very favorite part is when I look around and realize, nobody is watching me any longer...now understand, I am the director...or at least I play one every Sunday, and most director's get a little cranky when you don't watch their lead...but when they aren't watching me, they are worshipping. Full-on-lost-in-the-moment worship.

That's the best part...the very best part.

There are many things on my list of "things to do before I die..."

Travel, write (books and songs), photograph, love more, etc etc.

One thing that is not on my list, and probably will never be, is sailing. Going out on a boat in the middle of the ocean using some triangle sheets and the wind to create my security is not my idea of fun...or even adventure. It just sounds crazy.

So, when I tell you that there are Sundays that feel like that, do you understand me? Oh, sure, it looks like I'm on the ground floor singing or praying or listening...but in my mind, I'm on the open ocean with no land in sight and some triangle sheets.

This Sunday will be on of those days. No fault of anybody, I just don't have the normal "control" over the day.

Here's the thing that might surprise you...I'm learning to like those days more than the typical Sunday.

God shows Himself to me more on the open sea than on the dry, safe land.

So, instead of dreading the time, I'm looking forward to it...God really is the Master of the Sea...I just need to step out there more often so He can demonstrate His amazing self to me.

Blessings for a wonderful weekend, bloggers.

One of my favorite things about the Thanksgiving holiday is our family time on Wednesday night...a time we lovingly call "PIE NIGHT".

When you eat the Thanksgiving feast on Thursday, and then look around at the pies people have made, you feel like you just must have a piece...even though you are about ready to POP!

So, we have decided to take all our pies, and bring them together Wednesday night for our Thankful Pie Night time.

Everybody fills out a 3X5 card sharing what they are particularly thankful for this year. We read these cards out loud and try to guess who's card we're listening to. There's even a prize for the one who guesses the most number correctly. (Competition...it's a beautiful thing!)

I loved this year listening to my children's cards. I especially loved my nephew, James, having a card this year for the first time. Listening to thankful hearts is uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging. It's so good for us to have to stop, sit down, and verbalize what we are thankful for.

Sunday, church was beautiful. It was wonderful to have my girl on the Worship Team again...even if for only a day. We grabbed a quick bite and then headed for the airport. It wasn't horrible.

I watched until she got through the security check and as she turned back with a beautiful smile and a big wave, I thought of how much she's grown in just a few short months.

The boys were standing by in case I had a mild break down, but nope...not this time. I smiled, waved back, and turned quickly to head back to the car. I didn't talk for a couple of miles...but finally, the lump went down a bit. No tears...just a quivering chin...maybe she's not the only one growing.

Have a blessed week.

Today, in fact, as I write this, my daughter is in the air coming home. She will arrive in Fresno at 12:40 and I will be there to welcome her.

I will hug her, and smell her, and kiss her, and squeeze her, and tell her how wonderful it is to see her.

We have cleaned the house, put fresh flowers in her room, changed her bed, and put a one of her favorite magazines on the night stand.

We can't wait to see her.

So, I've said this before, but I can't help but wonder if God is as excited to welcome us home. Or if His desire to see us come home is off the charts compared to mine...(my human mind can't quite wrap around Him being any more excited to see me than I am to see her today).

I'm so glad my girl is excited to come home...wouldn't it be terrible if your kids didn't really want to come back?

My Dad used to long for heaven and I thought he was just goofy...almost made us feel bad because of his great desire to leave this earth and join God.

I wonder, though, if he didn't have a better handle on it than I.

All I know for today is that I can't wait to get my hands on her.

May you all feel blessed and loved...and may your hearts overflow with thankfulness!

Every year, about this time, I have a day when I find myself paralyzed with the fear that I won't get every thing done.

I won't be able to pull off all the details of the Christmas Musical (which happens to be beautiful this year in so many ways), ZOE Fresno is right around the corner, (have I done all I can do to get more people here?), and then there is the normal things regarding this season that bring some anxiety. (Gifts, shopping, finances, house decorating, tree decorating, and so on and so on.)

Yesterday was my day to feel like there's absolutely no way I am going to be able to handle each thing in the way I want to handle it...which is flawless and extraordinarily.

So, I told the boys when they rolled in last night..."no dinner, we're going out."

We went to one of my favorite Mexican food places and they seated us in a room with no one else. For me, this was wonderful. However, my little slice of heaven only lasted a few seconds as the waitress comes up to our table, slams her hands down as she leans in and says, "Oh My! Quick, hurry up and order, they're about to SLAM me!"

She then spends the rest of our time there telling us all she has to do, how she works too many nights, (she's only supposed to work 2-3 nights and she's working 5-6), she needed to make cupcakes for her sons class because they decided at the last minute to have a party, she had made cupcakes for her daughters class just the night before, she's in the middle of cleaning the house to prepare for the holiday decorating, how she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES Christmas, and how cute her kids are, which she then produced pictures of them from her apron.

After taking our order, we had this bus boy who was actually TOO attentive. Seriously, every minute he walked by and asked if we were o.k., did we need refills, more chips, salsa, now do we want guacamole?

Needless to say, this time that was supposed to relax my heart, made me even more crazy. It became so bad, it was comical. Avery said he had a head ache and Lex was just trying to get us 0ut of there without me losing it.

This is also the time of year I begin sleeping rather poorly. I fall to sleep easily, but the dreams that come are amazingly ridiculous! And they don't subside until about February. I know this because it happens every year. I've learned to accept it.

So, today, I'm checking my email and there it was...the scripture of the day...

Jeremiah 17:7-8
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along the riverbank.

Aahhh...thank you, Lord.

I knew that, but thank you for giving me that "ice water in the face" moment. You see, every year, I feel the same, and every year, He does something to remind me to relax and enjoy Him. Because as much as I would like to believe I'm in control of all those little details, it's such a relief when I wake up my stubborn self and remember it's all in His hands...

Maybe the waitress at my favorite Mexican restaurant needs to hear this...

...But...I'm so Comfortable!

Has the Lord ever put something on your heart in such a way that you can't ignore it?

Well, you can, but really, you can't. I mean, you can turn away, act busy, fake distraction...whatever you need to do, but whatever you do...it just keeps coming back?

I'm there. Been there for a while. Already turned away, acted busy, faked distraction...

I'm still there...and He's still there. I love where I'm at. I'm comfortable. Not too busy, not bored...just right. Very comfortable. Hhmmm...God has other plans...

So, sweet friends, pray for me...and I will pray for you...that you, too, will find discomfort in your comfort.

Blessings...

Ready the Room!

If asked what I did today, I will answer,
"I prepared my daughter's room for her visit."

Ashley left, as you all know, in August to attend ACU.

There have been sad moments, but for the most part, my heart has been full of joy and pride and gratefulness for the success she has found in her new environment.

I have, however, found it difficult to be in her room. She did a pretty good job of cleaning it out before she left. That may have been what was difficult. She went through all her "stuff" and got rid of bags and bags of clutter. Youth and adolescent clutter. I kept thinking I'd go in there and make the bed she stripped, maybe move the dresser and clean behind it, possibly dust and spruce up the curtains. To this point, however, that hasn't happened.

I've found it very convenient to just walk on by. I really couldn't even step in there. Too sad for me.

But today, I got an email from her saying "only 11 more days until I'm home!"

Today, I stepped in the room. Straightened curtains, ironed pillow cases so they'll be super fresh for her, moved the dresser (oh my!) to clean behind it, and prepared her room for a visit.

I can't tell you the pure joy in doing those tasks. The sheer excitement of preparing the room for her was so sweet.

It made me think about Jesus going to prepare a place for me...for you. I wonder if He feels that same excitement as he "prepares" our rooms for our return to Him. I wonder if there are special touches in mine meant just for me. I wonder if His heart swells to think about me returning to spend eternity with Him. I'm human...He's God...so I imagine I really can't know completely how He feels.

But today, I began preparations to receive my baby girl home...
Just as He prepares to receive us home...

Sweet thoughts...both of them.