One Eyed and Dizzy

I had an irritation in my eye on Wednesday morning. Not sure what it was, but we think it may have come from the church building when they were cleaning the ducts from the fire...

So, by Wednesday morning, I needed to take my contact out of that one eye because I looked deformed. Bright red blood shot eyeball. ICK! I looked like Steven's cat...if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting Tabby, you'll know what I mean.

I had some old (but not expired) drops I had purchased for a previous eye problem and thought I could knock out the irritation with a little self-prescribed medicine.

By Friday morning, it wasn't any better, so I called the eye Dr. and got in to see him. I have an ulcer on my eye, caused from some debris.

Can only wear my left contact, which makes me totally dizzy and off balance. But, the alternative is to be blind and that's not a good option when driving. I don't have glasses because...well, I just don't, O.K.?

So, I'm leaving Tuesday morning. Flying to Dallas and driving to Abilene to get my girl. YIPPEE!! I'm so excited. BUT, I can't see.

It's one thing to drive in a town you know well without seeing out of one eye...but another town? Another state? Nope...no-can-do!

This morning I went to the eyeglass place that a friend from church works at. They are rushing a pair of glasses for me and to top it off, he's delivering them Monday night at the church because I'll be in a meeting. Friends are amazing.

But for now, until Monday night, I'll be One Eyed and Dizzy.

I always think people with glasses look smarter. I'm looking forward to that!

Blessings.

I bought a DVD that is supposed to have some exercise "routines" I might be able to handle.

You see, I can't just go pick up any exercise routine, or take off running miles and miles. In fact, a dear friend has offered to walk with me, but her walk would be useless because I'll be very slow and very short. She'll have to exercise after we exercise just to get her work out in!

I found this DVD that has gospel music on it and I was thinking it might encourage me to hear the music as I do what I despise! I've known for two months that not only do I need to lose weight by eating healthier, but the exercise factor is a huge deal here. I would love to ignore it...in fact I have!

I bought this DVD days ago. (maybe a week or so ago) And finally, last night, I decided to put it in the player and see what it's all about. There was a very amateur production of a couple of 10 minute line dances, a 20 minute walking/step routine, and a 30 minute cardio workout. I loved it, it was entertaining. A little goofy, and quite low budget. But, the key here is that I could actually do what they were asking me to do.

At least I think I can. Last night, I just sat on the couch and watched it.

Maybe tonight I'll get up and join them!

Blessings!

Distractions...

Monday night, well, Tuesday morning if we're gonna get technical, there was a fire in our church building.

Some "angry-not-enough-to-do" person decided to set a trash can up against the back of the church and set it on fire. According to the fire investigator and police and a hundred other "specialists" who have been on campus for two days straight, they had to use some kind of accelerant to make it get as hot as it did and climb the stucco wall, thus burning through to the inside of the building.

The actual "fire" damage was limited to one wall, albeit a strong beam load bearing wall...(YIKES). But the other damage is still being uncovered.

Fortunately, we have a good alarm system which includes sprinklers that go on at the first sign of fire, so the water damage is another story. One whole wing is incapacitated because of smoke and water damage.

However, we're working through it. At least we're trying.

I am currently sitting at my desk, which at least now has power...until late yesterday, we had no electricity. There are a gazillion fans and dehumidifiers running all down the hall, into every office and school room. It is a maze to get from point "A" to point "B". The noise is deafening. I rarely get headaches. I woke up in the night with a doosie! And sitting here now, it's only getting worse. So, with the smoke smell, the darkness in the hallways, (that circuit hasn't been restored, yet.), the absolute ridiculous noise from the fans, not to mention the "mess" the whole wing is in because of ripped up baseboards and moved furniture, it's a little hard to concentrate.

And yet, we still need a worship order for Sunday. Hmmm...

This isn't about me. Not by any stretch. This is about the amazing crews of people who have jumped to come help. Not only church members, but city workers, and others. This is about those who will have to spend countless hours working on this project...because this is a long haul kind of project. This is about how to continue to lead a church in the midst of mess. And, this is about how to reconcile some body's anger and disregard in our own heads and actually pray for the person who created this distraction.

But, most of all, this is about how we can't let the distraction distract us. Period.

Pray for our church. Pray for our front ladies having to deal with city inspectors, contractors, adjusters. And pray that this is just another moment when we see God's goodness come shining through.

Blessings!

Some of you out there know my sister-in-law is a "Creative Memories" rep and is quite passionate and successful at her business. She's been trying to encourage me to just start with the picture thing. I take millions of pics. I have millions of pics in boxes in the closets. But the task of putting them in albums has, up to this point, been overwhelming. There's just too much! I truly expect that next year, after my Avery leaves for ACU, I'll need something to distract me from my empty nest. What better than pictures of your babies who are no longer babies? I'll start next year...maybe...

There's a point to the above paragraph. Have you, in blogland, ever had SO MUCH that you couldn't even blog about it because it was just too much? Like the boxes of pictures, it's just overwhelming! Life has been whirling and spinning and progressing at such a fast pace I can't even keep up!

So, for now, I just wanted to check in and say...life is good. Life is blessed. Life is very hard. Life is swelling with fullness beyond description.

More later when it can all be sorted.
Blessings!

There is something about the word "accepted" that makes us happy...comfortable...at rest.

We all want to feel like we're accepted. Accepted in normal society, accepted with our friends, even our family. There is a wonderful feeling that you have when you have friends and family that love you unconditionally and accept you in all circumstances.

My son received his "acceptance letter" from ACU last week. It was packaged beautifully, as if you might want to keep it and treasure it forever. To have your name on the top of the letter..."Dear Avery"...and to continue reading that it is their pleasure to inform you that you've been "accepted" to Abilene Christian University is quite a good feeling.

It just seems like yesterday I was feeling all these feelings because my sweet daughter was receiving the same letter and preparing to graduate and go to Texas. I wondered if I would feel the same sadness...surely, I'd be used to it. More practiced. An old pro at this "child leaving home" thing. Nope.

Avery is one of the sweetest, kindest, smartest young men I know. Not because of anything I've done...but because he's been showered with God's goodness and mercy through a huge community of people who love him unconditionally, and accept him all the time.

So, congratulations Avery. I had no doubts they would want you.

And really, Congratulations Abilene Christian University! You're getting a magnificent young man!

Blessings.

My children thought it would be nice to give their Daddy a puppy for Christmas! He's been wanting another dog for quite some time now, and I was the one who kept saying "please, no." We have a dog. A very sweet old dog. A dog that I have loved very much in spite of my "no dog" rule.

So, to bring in another puppy, to me, just didn't make sense. Puppies are like babies. They cry and poop and pee and need to be fed and cared for 24/7. I knew I had lost the battle when at Christmas time, a friend of my daughter's dog had puppies. Black lab/German Shepherd puppies. I finally gave in when the kids said, "Dad doesn't ask for much, ever, so we think we should listen when he asks..." So the kids took off to go choose the puppy for their Dad.

It seems that life has been hectic and crazy since Christmas and I've not introduced you to Lex's new love. This is Jake... He is hysterical and yes, he's a mess. He is a very good dog, though, and although I was against it, watching a grown man cry when his children handed him their gift to him changed my mind.

I guess I'm just destined to always have a dog around. It's one of those marriage compromises we make because it makes the other person very happy.

It's worth it.

Happy Birthday James

I tried to blog on James' birthday, but blogger wouldn't allow. Seems to be less touchy today...

James is funny...very funny. I find myself amused by him often, just like I am amused by his Daddy often. At least James hasn't figured out, yet, how to get me in trouble in church by making me laugh. Give him time, though, because he definitely has his Daddy's genes in the silly category.

James is sweet and kind. He's turning from the natural selfish instincts we all have, to a boy with a heart of empathy and concern.

James is learning to be a Christ follower.

James doesn't quite get yet how blessed he is. Maybe we all don't quite get it. But James has a very large community of people who will pray with him, play with him, love him unconditionally, and teach him constantly.

He is blessed, and he in turn is a blessing to us.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET JAMES!

Spring Break

Ashley flew in today at noon to begin her 10 days of Spring Break.

It's so good to see her and hear about the ways she is growing and experiencing life.

Some things hurt deeply, like letting your child go 1411 miles away to College, however, there couldn't have been a better place for her to grow and develop as a Godly woman.

So, I'll continue giving things up to God, because He seems to know what he's doing!

For all those on Spring Break this week...Enjoy!! And stay safe...

Blessings.

Joe Beam

Did any of you see Joe Beam on the Today show yesterday?

I was getting ready for work and had it on. I listen but don't usually stop to watch unless something strikes my fancy.

Yesterday, they continued to "tease" this segment with sentences like:

"An evangelical preacher talking about something very uncomfortable..."
or
"Wait till you see what this evangelical preacher is talking to his folks about..."

I didn't pay much attention, but when they actually ran the story, they said his name which made me stop and watch. They ran a tape of him speaking to his audiences about sex and the pleasures and joy and blessing of it. They then did a live interview with him.

His message was good. They even had someone on with him to "counteract" what he was saying, but she couldn't. When it came her turn, she simply said "I think what he's teaching is great!"

So good to see the church in a positive light, isn't it? Maybe if we can talk to the world about things that grab their attention, we can eventually talk to them about their salvation.

Blessings.

Habits

The thing about habits is that they are so...well...habitual.

I mean, if it's a true habit, it's something you do without even thinking, right?

Let me give you a list of things I wish I were in the "habit" of doing...

1. Wake at 5:00 am every morning to go for a brisk-cardio-healthy-oxygen-pumping-hour-long walk.

2. Spend at least 2 hours each day in prayer. 1 hour just meditating and listening, and one hour conversing with no distraction/interruption with my Heavenly Father.

3. Eat only when I am hungry...and here's the best one, stop eating when I'm full.

4. Actually send the card or make the visit when I know someone could use it.

...and the list could go on and on of things I wish I were better at...

But, here are the things that I am in the habit of:

1. Telling my children how much I love them and how proud of them I am...every day.

2. Talking to God all the time, even if I don't carve out the specific private time.

3. Getting those cards/visits done about 75% of the time.

4. Cooking to my hearts delight beginning with baked goods and dinners that almost always start with a cube of butter.

5. Eating when I'm anxious, but not necessarily hungry.

6. Eating when I'm happy, but not necessarily hungry.

7. Eating when I'm sad, but not necessarily hungry.

These are all things I do without thinking. These ARE my habits. And although some of them are wonderful, some are dangerous.

My husband and I both received word from our Dr's this weekend/week. Mine on Friday, and truthfully, I forgot about it in the worry of my husbands episodes. But today, it's all coming back to me.

We have changes to make. Not easy changes...not changes that will happen over night. We have life changes to make.

It is as if we are alcoholic, or addicted to drugs, or any other physical/mental problem that people deal with. It will be no easier for us than for those kicking their bad habits.

So, I ask you all for one thing. Pray for us. Don't nag...don't give advice...we have plenty of people doing that and there will come a moment when I will probably have to ask those good intentioned souls to stop. Just pray.

Our changes will determine how long we live. So, just pray.

Thank you.
Blessings

It is good to be home with my husband tonight...

They worked hard, medically/drug-wise, to get his blood pressure down just so they could give him the medication that "amps" him up as to running a marathon. He said it was very weird feeling the feelings of running hard and long all the while laying still.

He has bruises from i.v. inputs, bruises from taking his blood pressure every half hour for the past 3 days, and sore muscles from not so comfy hospital beds. But, he's home and I couldn't be happier.

The stress test proved no damage to his heart. Valves are open and flowing properly. No blockages. The only problem seems to be a calloused heart. (silly wording...they obviously don't know lex) The walls of his heart are tough and thick from too much time ignoring the high blood pressure and not taking his medication.

He is a changed man. He has many people very frustrated, but grateful. He won't get away with not taking his medicine ever again.

He has a very ugly orange shirt that he happens to love. He came walking out in that ugly orange shirt after his first shower in three days. He's never looked so good to me.

Thank you for those who knew and prayed. We were overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and concern. Community is a beautiful thing...

Valentines Day...the morning after.

What a sweet Valentine night I had. I spent it with my two favorite boys...my husband and my son.

I love occasions that cause you to stop and say how much someone means to you...and Valentines Day is one of those occasions.

I am fully aware I have very little "normal home" time left with my Avery, so last night, Lex and I cooked a wonderful dinner at home. I don't like going out on holidays like this because everything is overpriced, crowded, and short on relaxation!

Lex BBQ'd steaks and we had baked potatoes and green beans and beautiful bread. We sipped sparkling cider from wedding present champagne glasses, and a home made heart chocolate cake for dessert! The table had a fresh red table cloth and I wore my new (from Christmas) red apron.

We gave Avery what any truck owning 17 year old boy would want...gas gift cards! And my sweet husband came walking in with a beautiful "kitchen-y" basket from William Sonoma with fresh dish towels, kitchen tools, a Paula Deen DVD Set (I love that woman), and pixie sticks. Yes, you read that correctly. I adore pixie sticks.

The presents were fun. The dinner was fabulous. But the best part was the conversation. The laughter. The silliness. The "just-being-together".

I'm not waiting until a holiday to do it again. Every time you get to be together with your family should be viewed as a special occasion.

Blessings...

One of my favorite things to do these days, is lay on my sons bed, which is bumped right up against his desk/computer, of which he spends countless hours. So, sometimes, if I want a conversation with him, I must go to him.

The bed is a great place because I'm not standing over him, I'm relaxed, which seems to relax him, and I can't see the computer screen...so he knows I'm just there for him and not to "check up" on him. (Not that I'm beyond that, but it's just not usually necessary.)

He was IM-ing with his sister last night. I love watching him giggle quietly as their comments to each other flew...and I mean FLEW back and forth. They are both very witty people, so when they get together, it can be amusing.

I just sat back, enjoyed the sounds of his room, (computer, fish tank, music, etc.). I was looking around in between conversation with him and his sister, and then my eyes landed on the top of the inside of his closet. Hot Wheel Tracks and cars, Robots, Legos, and on the floor, Dump Trucks, Children's Books, and so on. My son takes very good care of his "stuff" and has saved some things for his son.

My eyes filled, my throat closed up...my heart pounded. Where did the time go? I looked at him, and then back to the closet and back to him. His sweet face, and beautiful spirit...funny heart and sometimes difficult personality, his sideburns and muscles...

I don't think I'm alone in missing the grown up stuff at times. I think, as parents, we tend to see our kids as just kids. Maybe not babies, but definitely not grown up people.

My son is a grown up person. Complete with a mind of his own and a heart determined to be on it's own path. He's an amazing, caring, hard working young man.

I miss the Legos, the feet of track and cars I would trip over. I miss the sweet boy who couldn't sit close enough to you. I miss the gentle "do whatever you say" spirit. But, those days were just a preparation for what he is now...and what he is becoming.

Look out world. There is one awesome young man about to enter your gates!

Contagious Passion...

I have been talking recently with someone who is very dear to me...my daughter.

We talk often, but the conversations contained in the past two days have not been the typical mother-daughter stuff as usual. Oh, those words are still there...but there's more.

She is being awakened to a hurting world, a lost world, a world she is beginning to feel a responsibility to. ACU does a beautiful job of informing and presenting many different ways you can be involved in the "betterment" of this planet. She has grabbed on with gusto.

Her passion is contagious. Her heart is full of ideas. Her mind is reeling with possibilities.

Do you remember that feeling? Before you "got the sense knocked into you?" Before you let reality set in? Before you decided you could only do so much?

I am so grateful for her passion. I think it's time the church wakes up to this generation of intelligent, passionate, amazing people. We could learn, or re-learn, much from them.

Do we really want to be missional? Do we? Really?

It's not pretty...but, goodness, it's beautiful!

I am one tired puppy.
It wasn't the endless Christmas rehearsals, nor was it the long hours planning and enjoying the ZOE Conference. It wasn't the Super Bowl Party and it isn't the daily tasks of life. I'm just tired. I've been going to the Dr since August trying to figure this whole thing out. So far, we are continuing to treat the effects of the imbalances (no jokes please), but haven't discovered the REASON for the imbalance.

Randy once told me there is no guilt in blogland, and I don't have to apologize for not writing on a regular basis. I'm trying to believe that!

I have had so many "God moments" I've wanted to share for the past couple of months, but really just haven't had the energy.

So, my friends, I will ask you again to pray for my health. I know there are those in much worse situations than I, and I feel silly even bringing it up. But, it's a constant cloud over my every day comings and goings.

God has been so evident in my life. He is so very good to me. He is constant and faithful. I want to be teachable. I don't ever want to think " I've arrived " at some kind of spiritual maturity. But Satan can seep into you through discouragement and this has been a long enough battle for me to become discouraging.

Thank you in advance for your presence in my life and the prayers you will say on my behalf.

It's ZOE Week!

How many of you will I have the pleasure of seeing this weekend?

Pray for this special time, please.

Safe travels for those coming from distant places.
Hearts open. Minds willing to stretch and discover. Hands ready to do.

May you all be blessed this week whether or not your in our midst here for the conference.

We'll talk more next week!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!

It doesn't seem possible, but today my first baby turns 19!

She will spend the day in the air and in the Dallas airport...waiting.

Her flight was supposed to leave yesterday, but there were ice and snow storms that prevented the planes from landing in Dallas. So, very early this morning, her Dad and I took her back to the airport hoping and praying that the air was clear enough to send her on her way. Classes were cancelled today at ACU because so many are having difficulty getting back to Abilene.

As we pray today, remember all the kids driving and flying trying to get back to school. Icy roads, Icy planes, Icy trains...very scary for parents and kids.

I don't know what I did to deserve such a beautiful and talented young woman to claim as my daughter...but I'm so very thankful for her. She is a bright, shining light in my world.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby!

We are headed to Pismo this afternoon. It is a combination New Year's celebration but, more important, we are celebrating Lex turning 40 this month.

Hard to believe! The fact that 2006 is drawing to a close, AND, the fact that my sweet man is turning 40.

We plan on relaxing, eating, laughing, playing games, lighting off some almost legal fireworks on New Year's Eve, and generally, just refreshing ourselves and enjoying time together.

I wish you all could be with us. That would make it even better...but, for now, let me just say Happy New Year to you all!

May God's hand continue to be on you and your family.
May you find new and beautiful ways to serve in the Kingdom in 2007, and may you be inspired to seek out every missional opportunity in the coming year.

Blessings!

The Morning After

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Day with family.

It is so good to be together.

I am amazed each year by the generosity and thoughtfulness of people.

I woke up this morning feeling very blessed and fortunate.

God is good. God is amazing.
I am so thankful to be his child.
What a wonderful thing.

What a wonderful night!

Singers were fantastic.

Children were priceless.

Narrators were perfect.

Tech team was flawless.

Seniors holding candles were precious.

Interpreters (sign language) were exquisite.

Amongst the practiced and rehearsed, God came.
He filled up the room.
He filled up the hearts.

He did for us last night what He does for us every day...
He covered us with grace and mercy and made us better than we really are!
Thank you, Jesus...Thank you!

This is what I want to feel like...
This is how I want to be seen...
This is my goal...










This is how I feel inside!







But don't tell...I don't want it to get out that I'm losing my mind and wondering how in the world I'm going to pull this all off. I mean, everything. The Musical, Christmas, Presents, Worship this Sunday, Pictures for the directory...(do you know how stressful that is? C'mon...admit it, directory pics are horrible!)

God is in charge, God is in charge, God is in charge...

O.K. I feel better.
Now, does anyone out there have a 3 day diet that will allow me to continue to eat but lose about 50 lbs before Sunday? Anybody?
I sure hope my dress zips up Sunday night!

Have a good Wednesday!

Rehearsal went well...there are some little gliches we need to work out, however, I believe we are on target for a wonderful night this coming Sunday. YIKES!!

I've even managed to get some Christmas shopping done with presents wrapped and under the tree. I keep wondering what I've forgotten because things seem to be running rather smoothly.

I had one "key" alto tell me yesterday they had a family conflict with our Saturday morning rehearsal...that's the rehearsal where every single person is in place. It all comes together on that morning, except this year...this year we will be depending on the airlines, the weather, and general holiday travel to get that alto back and in her place on Sunday. No problem...

.....................................................................................................

Working on a very cool band we've named the "House Band" for a worship time at the ZOE conference in January. If you're able, come check out the conference the last weekend in January. (26th - 28th) It's wonderful to see people able to use their gifts and passion for their instrument in a worship element. I feel sorry, sometimes, for the folks who have such a love for their instrument but have a commitment to the Church of Christ. This isn't a debate for or against instrumental music...just simply an observation.

...................................................................................................

Had a wonderful chat with one of the sweetest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. She's a rock here at College...somebody who has been here since the beginning. She encourages constantly, sees the best in people, continues to study and learn about Jesus Christ. She is over 70, and yet, continues to learn like a 5 year old. With passion and hunger for more. She's one who will say to me, "I don't tell you enough what a wonderful job you do." What a blessing to have people like that in your life. I was looking at her this morning as we were chatting and thinking I hope I can be as gracious and beautiful and Godly as she when I'm an older woman. Beautiful example.

Have a wonderful week, Bloggers. Try to catch the goodness of it all as this season becomes more hectic with each passing day.

December 7 is a date that many remember as Pearl Harbor Day.

December 7 holds additional meaning for me.

I remember my Dad as gentle. He never raised his voice or yelled.

I remember my Dad as a Bible scholar...always reading and studying.

I remember that my Dad broke C of C lines as he had Saturday prayer meetings with Catholics, Pentecostal, and even "one-cuppers".

I remember he struggled...really struggled with depression.

I remember listening to him talk about heaven, and being with God, and how much he was looking forward to that.

I remember my Dad coming in every night to tuck me into bed and telling me the story that always began..."once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl..." I never tired of the story of my adoption according to Dad.

I remember my Dad could tell a joke.

And boy, oh boy, could he sneeze! That man scared us to death with his sneezes!

I remember my Dad bought my Mom really pretty clothes. For the most part, church clothes. Nice clothes. Things she would never have bought for herself.

I remember my Dad thanking my Mom for the good dinner...every single night.

I remember my Dad telling me there was something special about Lex.

I remember putting Ashley on his lap in this cute little stiff church outfit, and he said, "hasn't she worn this long enough? Can we take this off her so she can relax?"

I've often wished he had stuck around a little longer. There has been much to rejoice about in our family. Many good times and great blessings that I know, had he still been here, he would have enjoyed.

But, I also know he longed to be where he is...with God...for eternity.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

God took care of Sunday. Of course, again. As always.

I explained to the Praise Team my "sail boat" feeling and they understood. We managed to joke for the rest of the morning using sailing metaphors. It was a good distractor, as well as reminder, that we aren't in charge.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My girl called me Sunday afternoon sounding awful. She's sick...first time away from home feeling really lousy. She went to the on campus medical thingy and they said she has a severe allergy to mold and dust. Abilene happens to be full of both! She never suffered here in the valley, like many do, but they said it isn't uncommon for out of towners to suffer quite a bit the first year they're there. (Hey, Wendy...how 'bout that...proper use of "they're" and "there".) So, we're praying and hoping she feels better in quick time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday night rehearsal was amazing. I couldn't believe I was standing there with mics and narrators and soloists and the music. Time has flown. I mean, just absolutely raced by. Everything was beautiful. We aren't perfect...yet, but we'll be pretty close by the time the 17th rolls around.

One of my favorite things about doing a musical is what happens on the sidelines. Sure, it's a thrill to present...to perform. But the real stuff happens internally on people.

One person told me she felt like she really "belonged" by singing. She hadn't found her place yet, and through this time of practice, she's found friends and a "spot" she feels she fits in.

We have a young soloist who is the very picture of a beautiful, innocent, Godly young woman...growing and changing in the love of Christ. I tear up every time she sings her part because of the sweetness of it.

There are children singing with all their heart!

There are the "not-so-young" singing for the first time and learning new things.

We have close to professional people doing their thing on a solo...knocking our socks off every time.

We have fellowship, and laughter, and tears. Hard work, frustration, and "oops...let's try that again."

But my very favorite part is when I look around and realize, nobody is watching me any longer...now understand, I am the director...or at least I play one every Sunday, and most director's get a little cranky when you don't watch their lead...but when they aren't watching me, they are worshipping. Full-on-lost-in-the-moment worship.

That's the best part...the very best part.

There are many things on my list of "things to do before I die..."

Travel, write (books and songs), photograph, love more, etc etc.

One thing that is not on my list, and probably will never be, is sailing. Going out on a boat in the middle of the ocean using some triangle sheets and the wind to create my security is not my idea of fun...or even adventure. It just sounds crazy.

So, when I tell you that there are Sundays that feel like that, do you understand me? Oh, sure, it looks like I'm on the ground floor singing or praying or listening...but in my mind, I'm on the open ocean with no land in sight and some triangle sheets.

This Sunday will be on of those days. No fault of anybody, I just don't have the normal "control" over the day.

Here's the thing that might surprise you...I'm learning to like those days more than the typical Sunday.

God shows Himself to me more on the open sea than on the dry, safe land.

So, instead of dreading the time, I'm looking forward to it...God really is the Master of the Sea...I just need to step out there more often so He can demonstrate His amazing self to me.

Blessings for a wonderful weekend, bloggers.

One of my favorite things about the Thanksgiving holiday is our family time on Wednesday night...a time we lovingly call "PIE NIGHT".

When you eat the Thanksgiving feast on Thursday, and then look around at the pies people have made, you feel like you just must have a piece...even though you are about ready to POP!

So, we have decided to take all our pies, and bring them together Wednesday night for our Thankful Pie Night time.

Everybody fills out a 3X5 card sharing what they are particularly thankful for this year. We read these cards out loud and try to guess who's card we're listening to. There's even a prize for the one who guesses the most number correctly. (Competition...it's a beautiful thing!)

I loved this year listening to my children's cards. I especially loved my nephew, James, having a card this year for the first time. Listening to thankful hearts is uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging. It's so good for us to have to stop, sit down, and verbalize what we are thankful for.

Sunday, church was beautiful. It was wonderful to have my girl on the Worship Team again...even if for only a day. We grabbed a quick bite and then headed for the airport. It wasn't horrible.

I watched until she got through the security check and as she turned back with a beautiful smile and a big wave, I thought of how much she's grown in just a few short months.

The boys were standing by in case I had a mild break down, but nope...not this time. I smiled, waved back, and turned quickly to head back to the car. I didn't talk for a couple of miles...but finally, the lump went down a bit. No tears...just a quivering chin...maybe she's not the only one growing.

Have a blessed week.

Today, in fact, as I write this, my daughter is in the air coming home. She will arrive in Fresno at 12:40 and I will be there to welcome her.

I will hug her, and smell her, and kiss her, and squeeze her, and tell her how wonderful it is to see her.

We have cleaned the house, put fresh flowers in her room, changed her bed, and put a one of her favorite magazines on the night stand.

We can't wait to see her.

So, I've said this before, but I can't help but wonder if God is as excited to welcome us home. Or if His desire to see us come home is off the charts compared to mine...(my human mind can't quite wrap around Him being any more excited to see me than I am to see her today).

I'm so glad my girl is excited to come home...wouldn't it be terrible if your kids didn't really want to come back?

My Dad used to long for heaven and I thought he was just goofy...almost made us feel bad because of his great desire to leave this earth and join God.

I wonder, though, if he didn't have a better handle on it than I.

All I know for today is that I can't wait to get my hands on her.

May you all feel blessed and loved...and may your hearts overflow with thankfulness!

Every year, about this time, I have a day when I find myself paralyzed with the fear that I won't get every thing done.

I won't be able to pull off all the details of the Christmas Musical (which happens to be beautiful this year in so many ways), ZOE Fresno is right around the corner, (have I done all I can do to get more people here?), and then there is the normal things regarding this season that bring some anxiety. (Gifts, shopping, finances, house decorating, tree decorating, and so on and so on.)

Yesterday was my day to feel like there's absolutely no way I am going to be able to handle each thing in the way I want to handle it...which is flawless and extraordinarily.

So, I told the boys when they rolled in last night..."no dinner, we're going out."

We went to one of my favorite Mexican food places and they seated us in a room with no one else. For me, this was wonderful. However, my little slice of heaven only lasted a few seconds as the waitress comes up to our table, slams her hands down as she leans in and says, "Oh My! Quick, hurry up and order, they're about to SLAM me!"

She then spends the rest of our time there telling us all she has to do, how she works too many nights, (she's only supposed to work 2-3 nights and she's working 5-6), she needed to make cupcakes for her sons class because they decided at the last minute to have a party, she had made cupcakes for her daughters class just the night before, she's in the middle of cleaning the house to prepare for the holiday decorating, how she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES Christmas, and how cute her kids are, which she then produced pictures of them from her apron.

After taking our order, we had this bus boy who was actually TOO attentive. Seriously, every minute he walked by and asked if we were o.k., did we need refills, more chips, salsa, now do we want guacamole?

Needless to say, this time that was supposed to relax my heart, made me even more crazy. It became so bad, it was comical. Avery said he had a head ache and Lex was just trying to get us 0ut of there without me losing it.

This is also the time of year I begin sleeping rather poorly. I fall to sleep easily, but the dreams that come are amazingly ridiculous! And they don't subside until about February. I know this because it happens every year. I've learned to accept it.

So, today, I'm checking my email and there it was...the scripture of the day...

Jeremiah 17:7-8
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along the riverbank.

Aahhh...thank you, Lord.

I knew that, but thank you for giving me that "ice water in the face" moment. You see, every year, I feel the same, and every year, He does something to remind me to relax and enjoy Him. Because as much as I would like to believe I'm in control of all those little details, it's such a relief when I wake up my stubborn self and remember it's all in His hands...

Maybe the waitress at my favorite Mexican restaurant needs to hear this...

...But...I'm so Comfortable!

Has the Lord ever put something on your heart in such a way that you can't ignore it?

Well, you can, but really, you can't. I mean, you can turn away, act busy, fake distraction...whatever you need to do, but whatever you do...it just keeps coming back?

I'm there. Been there for a while. Already turned away, acted busy, faked distraction...

I'm still there...and He's still there. I love where I'm at. I'm comfortable. Not too busy, not bored...just right. Very comfortable. Hhmmm...God has other plans...

So, sweet friends, pray for me...and I will pray for you...that you, too, will find discomfort in your comfort.

Blessings...

Ready the Room!

If asked what I did today, I will answer,
"I prepared my daughter's room for her visit."

Ashley left, as you all know, in August to attend ACU.

There have been sad moments, but for the most part, my heart has been full of joy and pride and gratefulness for the success she has found in her new environment.

I have, however, found it difficult to be in her room. She did a pretty good job of cleaning it out before she left. That may have been what was difficult. She went through all her "stuff" and got rid of bags and bags of clutter. Youth and adolescent clutter. I kept thinking I'd go in there and make the bed she stripped, maybe move the dresser and clean behind it, possibly dust and spruce up the curtains. To this point, however, that hasn't happened.

I've found it very convenient to just walk on by. I really couldn't even step in there. Too sad for me.

But today, I got an email from her saying "only 11 more days until I'm home!"

Today, I stepped in the room. Straightened curtains, ironed pillow cases so they'll be super fresh for her, moved the dresser (oh my!) to clean behind it, and prepared her room for a visit.

I can't tell you the pure joy in doing those tasks. The sheer excitement of preparing the room for her was so sweet.

It made me think about Jesus going to prepare a place for me...for you. I wonder if He feels that same excitement as he "prepares" our rooms for our return to Him. I wonder if there are special touches in mine meant just for me. I wonder if His heart swells to think about me returning to spend eternity with Him. I'm human...He's God...so I imagine I really can't know completely how He feels.

But today, I began preparations to receive my baby girl home...
Just as He prepares to receive us home...

Sweet thoughts...both of them.

FILM FEST 2006

One of the things I'm most impressed about with ACU is the way they empower, teach, show possible the concept of taking your Christianity to the world in practical ways.

You don't have to be a teacher or preacher of the Word to have an impact in society for Jesus Christ. You just have to live your faith...in all arenas.




This weekend was another example of that as they put on the Film Festival allowing students to stretch and grow as writers, producers, directors, and actors of films they had created.

I don't know the whole scope of the "FilmFest" time. I know I am unaware of the complexity of the concept and the vision of those who have worked so hard to develop this idea. But I do know my daughter was impressed with the quality of work and the excitement that surrounded the great formal evening.

Our friend, Brandon, was a judge. Ashley loved seeing him. This community of believers we belong to is such a tremendous blessing. Seeing Brandon is like seeing family. It felt good.

As an adopted person, I've always seen family as something larger than the blood relative concept. It has made my Christian walk deeper...my relationships sweeter.

So, today I'm thankful for a place my daughter can grow and learn and develop into a powerful servant in the Kingdom of God...and, I'm thankful for all of you...those who love me and my family because of the common love for Jesus Christ. 

"Graduate Services"

I walked into the "Graduate Services" office and told them who I was and that I was there to pick up my son's Class Ring. This was my second visit to this office...last year, to pick up my daughter's, was, of course, my first.

She asked what school he was from and then disappeared to the back room and quickly came back with a little box. As she opened the box, I gasped out loud...

"Oh my goodness...that can't possibly be my son's ring...that ring looks like it would fit a man! This boy is my baby." (I can't really believe I said those words...but it was too late.)

She looked at me with an understanding expression and said,
"Is this your first or your last one?"

"My last" I choked out.

I couldn't help it. The tears just came out silently.

"The ring is beautiful...he's going to love it. Thank you."

As I tried to write out the check, the tears kept getting in the way. I really just needed to get out of there. For some reason, the whole thing surprised me. It was just a quick stop I was making to finish up a day full of errands. I had no intention of feeling any sort of way...it totally shocked me and snuck up on me.

Then, she broke the ice and said..."Weren't you in here last year?"

I laughed remembering that I had the same reaction last year..."Yes, I was the nutty Mom in here crying last year when I picked up my daughter's ring."

"So, she was your first?"

"Yes...but truthfully, I think I could have had 15 and I would probably have the same reaction 15 times...It's the transition, the step, the slipping away of childhood with the onset of adulthood that makes the lump in my throat stick."

She smiled politely and told me if he ever has any problems, there is a life time warranty on the ring.

I handed over the check and slipped the ring in my purse.

Last night, I gave him his ring...and what do you know...that huge man sized ring fit him perfectly.

He loved it.

Blessings.

I blogged a few days ago, but kept it as a draft because I thought, after reading it, it was just whining. So, I read it again today, and yup...I was feeling sorry for myself...

But I'll tell you what it was about without the whining part.

I blogged about the many things I miss about having my kids home and young and within my control. I love the baby stage, I love the toddler stage, I love the elementary stage, I even love the teen-age stage (even though folks tried to tell me it was horrible! I disagree.) And, I love this independent stage. But, I miss those other stages. Particularly the babies and toddler age.

So, those of you who have had kids, tell me what you loved the most...or what you miss the most. Maybe it will help me to see that I'm not the only one who has a broken heart from time to time.

And kids, in case you're reading this...
Your 'ole mom is just fine. Really. I'm great.
No...really...doing terrific! No worries here...Fantastic.
Totally cool with this new life stage...

Blessings.

Teachers...

There is a profession that is, I believe, misunderstood unless you are in that profession yourself. I believe some people think teachers have it easy. You know, all that vacation time, finishing at 3:00 every day, watching movies when you don't feel like teaching, etc...

Although there are those who give teaching a bad rap, I believe there are many more who go the extra mile and realize what a ministry it really is. What an amazing influence these teachers have on our children.

So, for my post today, this is an acknowledgement of the hard work and endless hours some teachers put into the kids.

Avery had a teacher as a Freshman by the name of Mr. Hieger.

This is the teacher that drew Avery into the Rocket Project with NASA...this is the man who lets kids come in and eat their lunch in his room just to hang out...this is the teacher who spent thousands of his own dollars to keep the Rocket Project going when the red tape would have hindered the project...this is the guy who has worked with Avery on his (Avery's) truck...this is the man who came home from a full day of teaching just to find a group of kids at his home wanting/needing to use the tools in his garage for building...he not only let them stay, but fed them dinner...this is the guy who, when Lex and I arrived home from church last night about 9:00 pm, was standing in my drive way helping Avery unload some HUGE, HEAVY truck parts Avery had just purchased.

He is patient, good, smart, and caring. The kids love him. This is a teacher who will be "the one" Avery remembers all of his life. Last night, after Avery finally came in the house and Mr. Hieger had left, I said, "Mr. Hieger sure is a nice man..."

Avery smiled big and replied..."Yes, he's pretty cool." (for a teenage young man, that speaks volumes)

So, for those of you out there who are teachers by profession, thanks. You make a difference. May you feel an extra dose of blessing today!

ACU Homecoming Weekend...

Ashley called a couple of times to update us on the fun she was having. They had parades, a carnival, facepainting, (that's a purple paw print on her face)purple cotton candy, a homecoming queen from Bakersfield, CA, and a great football game!

ACU Football is 6-0. I guess this is something new for them in recent years. Ashley is enjoying all the fun of being a football fan supporting her school...it's especially fun to support a winning team.

We miss her...duh! But what a blessing to see so much goodness, learning, and enjoyment come her way. Thank you, God.

The HandOff

What an amazing Spirit-filled weekend it was!

The ZOE Conference has come to a close and I am back home in California at my desk that I love, in the church that I love, working with the people I love.

It is so good to be together for that time. The relationships God has blessed us with through his work are priceless...

I had to take Ashley to the folks who were also from Abilene...she had flown in with them and would return to ACU with them. They are a sweet, wonderful family by the name of the Maxwells. Jack and Jill are the artists for the ZOE group. Some of you have had the pleasure of seeing one of their creations come alive during a message time with Mike Cope. It really is a gift...

Their son, Matt, is a Mac-graphic-creative -film GENIUS. His creativity, coupled with his Godly character is an unstoppable force in our fellowship. We are so blessed to have such young creative thinking.

The Maxwells have taken Ashley in as their own. Jill is the one who has told her (and I) that if she is ever sick, call her. She'll drop everything to come get her and take her to a Dr or just to their home so she can get well. (Do you know what a relief that is to this mother as I am 1400 miles away from my baby girl?)

So, Sunday morning, on my way to church in Nashville, I took Ash to the Maxwells so they could return "home".

In the old days, when I was still the one "in charge" of Ashley's care, I would have walked in and been the first communication between Ashley and the Maxwell's. But now, I watched as I was the "side" one and my daughter and this precious family took up their relationship where it had left off in Abilene.

Matt quickly got up and took Ashley's suitcase to the car. They all exchanged conversation and just waited for me to tell her good-bye.

They took care of her meals, her comfort, her care.

I hugged her quickly, and she physically turned my body around and gave me a sweet, but determined little push out the door.

My little girl has come into her own life...Gracefully, beautifully, and in a Godly fashion.

Am I sad? No. Did I cry...of course.

So, as I mentioned at the top of this post, what a tremendous blessing it is to have relationship with each other through the covenant and blood of Jesus Christ.

Each one of you reading this, I'm guessing, can think of people that you know because of your commitment to the work of the Kingdom.

I hope this week, at some point, you will take the time to thank God for those people, and maybe even go so far as to tell them personally what they mean to you as we travel this road together.

Blessings!

Miss, Sandra, I Have a Surprise For You...

Walked in from a very long day with the ZOE Conference in Nashville. I am fortunate enough to have good friends here that I stay with, so, as Avery and I walked in to their beautiful home, ready for a quick, good sleep, their little girl said to me...

"Miss Sandra, I have a surprise for you...it's over here...in your room..."

I figured she had decorated my room or made me a picture or something.

I followed her as she opened my bedroom door...

I saw nothing different at first, and then, from behind the bed popped my daughter. (the daughter who should be at ACU going to classes and taking tests!)

I gasped, cried, grabbed her and held her until she laughed and said, "sorry, brother, I'll have to hug you later, I guess!"

She smelled so sweet. Anybody else out there very sensitive (and I mean VERY sensitive) to the different sweet smells of life?

My friend, Eric, thought she may need to come see her Momma. Actually, I think her Momma may have needed to see her...

Needless to say, it's wonderful being here in Nashville, but to have BOTH my kids with me is a tremendous blessing!

Somber Days...

Our time together yesterday morning was beautiful, somber, and full of God's grace.

We had three deaths to announce to the church. One, a 6 month baby died in her sleep. One a young man with a wife and four children, and finally, an older lady who had just recently decided to give her life to Christ through baptism.

It's never "easy" to release one of us to the heavenly realms...even though we believe and long to be there ourselves. There is always sadness, sometimes regret in what wasn't said, (or maybe what was said), and sympathy for the immediate family who remain here on earth.

I decided a long time ago that I would handle death in a professional way. I had many funerals and visitations ahead of me and if I broke down every time, I'd be a mess. So, me, a fairly emotional person, decided in my head that I would be very strong during these times.

Sometimes you can tell yourself something and have it happen. Right? Power of positive thinking etc...

Here's when it doesn't work for me...

It's those left behind that break my heart. Not those who have gone.

It's the mommy and daddy that wonder how they are ever going to live normal again without their child.

It's the young wife, who wonders how she is going to be both mother and father to her children who now face life without a daddy.

It's the sweet older man who has loved his bride for 50+ years and now wonders how to survive the days he has left without her.

Yesterday, our blessing song was one of those golden oldies...Blest Be the Tie

I love verse 3 of that song:
We share our mutual woes;
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear

So today, as we bear our mutual burdens, please pray for the Ramirez family, the Wilkin family, and the Gonzalez family.

I'm headed to Nashville tomorrow. Blessings to all of you.

Hamster Wheel Gone Wrong

Don't you feel like this poor little hamster sometimes? Playing this makes me laugh out loud...maybe I'm just twisted. Enjoy!

The Conversation

So...the conversation with my daughter went something like this...

"Oh, Mom, the football game was a blast! We won. We are 3 - 0 now."

"That's great, honey. I'm glad you're having so much fun along with working so hard. I'm proud of you."

"Mom, did you know that in Texas you can ride in the bed of a pick-up as long as you don't go over 60 mph?"

"Ashley, there are reasons California passed the law that makes it illegal to ride in the back of a pick up. If you stop suddenly or get thrown out, you won't be in very good shape...if any shape at all."

"After the football game we were so excited we went to 'What-A-Burger'. They said it was like In 'N Out, but it wasn't. It was good though. And then, we were still all hyper from having fun, we went Rattlesnake Hunting!"

"You did what!?"

"Rattlesnake Hunting! It was a blast. The rattlesnakes like the heat from the car/tires and so they come to the truck...or something like that. My friend had his shotgun to kill it and a hatchet to take the rattle. I guess he collects them."

"O.K. So much to comment on here...let's start with the shotgun. Was this riding in the back of that truck with you, also? And let's just say you hit a bump or something...what if it goes off?"

"Oh, Mom...(she said giggling), it wasn't loaded and he had the safety on it! And besides, we didn't even see any rattlesnakes. But when we came to the end of the road, there was this house with two old guys sitting on the porch with shotguns sitting across their laps! Isn't that hysterical!? It looked just like the movies!"

(by now, I was hyperventilating!...quietly...didn't want her to stop talking.)

My usual ending to our conversations is..."I Love You, and I'm so proud of you." Today I choked out the words,

"Well, honey, you've certainly given me lots to worry about!"

"I love you, Mom. Talk to you later."

Oh my...

Just Hangin' Round

This summer, I was feeling rather lousy. Spent literally months trying to feel good again. Had to cut back on my activity because I simply couldn't do everything I had been doing. So, one of the things to be cut from my schedule was Wednesday night rehearsal for the Worship Team.

I still felt that this was valuable, maybe even necessary, time together. It not only gets you technically ready for Sunday morning, but it allows you to see ahead what will be happening so you can "soak" in it for a few days. Rest in it. Struggle with it.

I always encouraged our folks to pray for what will be happening. Pray for their part in it.

But, I didn't have that much energy, so I let it go for the summer and we started meeting about 15 minutes earlier on Sunday morning.

Technically, it works. But I have missed the time together.

One of the "drawbacks" of the Wed night time was that not everybody could make it. Some teach Pioneer Club on Wed night, some work late, some work out of town during the week, some coach football/baseball/soccer which brings them home too late. So, there were those of us who always made it, and those who rarely did. Sometimes, that could be discouraging.

Yesterday afternoon, I told Lex that I was going to go to church because I just wanted to be there to see what was happening. (even though I didn't have a specific "job")

He joined me.

There were a couple of teachers ill, so one person asked Lex if he would help him teach. Lex loved it. Tired? Yes. But loved it still.

I ended up in conversation with 2 different people throughout the night that I wouldn't have talked to otherwise. I learned lots. They shared lots.

I guess we could have stayed home and watched Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune. (we are becoming old people). But it was so good to be together with others who love God like we do. I've wondered sometimes, if I weren't "employed" by the church, would I do as much? Would I go as often? Would I feel obligation to the body?

I hope so.

Fellowship...it's good for the body!

The New Normal...Again

It's hard to get used to the "new normal", as I have written in recent posts, when the "new normal" keeps changing!

I picked up my sweet Avery from school on Monday and we headed to the Clovis DMV. He had all his paper work, his appointment, and his nerve.

I watched a couple of the DMV employee's who administer the driving test...in my mind I was thinking, "Oh please dear God, don't let him get that guy!"

AVERY HENDERSON "that guy" bellowed...O.K., God, if he has to get that guy, just give him an extra dose of calm as he takes his test.

I sat in the parents area as person after person came and went through the driving test. Some passed, most failed. YIKES! The saddest for me was an elderly gentleman who didn't pass. The employee was very short with him, not much compassion. Do they know what they've done to this guy? (dressed in nice slacks, a dress shirt, and tie, by the way) I wonder if somehow, in the inevitable moments of life -- like losing your license because you simply are too old to drive safely any longer -- if we can show some love and compassion in the process. It appears, at the DMV, that isn't possible.

I sat a while longer...every time the door opened my head snapped to look. No Avery. A couple of girls came in obviously disgusted with the whole process. Irritated...one crying. I had a magazine that I kept looking down at pretending to read. I read the same paragraph for about 30 minutes and then finally, he came in the door with "Mr. DMV Grumpy-Pants". I kept looking at his face, trying to figure out if he had passed or failed...then he finally looked over at me and gave me the sweetest smile and nodded. I squealed under my breath and looked immediately back down at my magazine because I felt the tears come quickly.

Good Grief! Crying over this too? I guess so. Another snip of the apron strings. Another finger pried loose from the grip of my son...my baby.

So, the picture you see at the top is a very happy Senior driving himself to school on Tuesday morning.

Congratulations, Avery! You passed in spite of Mr. DMV Grumpy-Pants!

Blogger Blues...

I don't remember doing anything that would prevent people from commenting on my blog...but somehow, even with a change of template, I can't get the icon for comments up.

So, if there are any out there with a suggestion, I would say leave me a comment, but you can't! So, I'll have to hope you have my email address and you can email me and give me instructions on how to fix this!

Sorry...

O.K....NEVER MIND. When I posted this new post, the comment section appeared. Goodness! It's enough to make a girl doubt herself!

September 11...5 years later

Some things are just too big to wrap your mind around.

You can't comprehend and fully digest the scope or magnitude of an event...even 5 years later.

We've all had individual moments in our lives that have made us gasp for air and feel like we may not make it through...

But this was a nation wide gasp...

I remember watching it all unfold on the Today Show...

I remember turning it off at one point in the day because I couldn't handle it any longer, just to turn around moments later and watch again because there were still so many unanswered questions.

Today, I was watching an interview of our President by Matt Lauer. This is not a political statement...it doesn't matter what I think about politics, taxes, the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, health care, and so on and so on.

What I heard on the news today calmed my spirit.

The President is briefed every day except Sunday, according to him, on continuing threats to the U.S. Matt Lauer talked to him about being a father and husband in New York...how a day doesn't go by but what he thinks about terrorist attacks and how is he going to keep his kids safe.

Matt said that with the burden of the knowledge that he (the President) is given every day, how does he sleep?

The President said quickly, two things help him sleep...

First, he believes and trusts in Almighty God and second, he trusts all the people around him.

I was glad he didn't take a direction of God loving the United States and we will triumph and junk like that...because God is God. We all know that...we know that each and every soul is important to God - regardless of where it resides.

But I loved the resolve in his voice. It gave me strength because it reminded me that whatever happens, I trust Almighty God. And as difficult and horrific as things seem, I have a rock to stand on.

Thank you, Mr. President.

My Favorite Part of the Day

When I say this is my "favorite part of the day", understand that there are other moments, often, that rival this. However, for many reasons, I think this still rates #1 for me.

I love my kids. I love my job. I love my friends. So, anything that has to do with those things, is a wonderful moment.

About 6 months ago, my husband and I were looking around trying to figure out how to make the money last 'till the end of the month. It seemed whatever we did, we just weren't "making it" every month. With a daughter getting ready to head to College and a son entering his Senior year of High School...gas prices, electric prices, food prices all getting higher and higher, we saw no relief.

Finally, I suggested we turn it all over to God. Every night, Lex goes in and prays with his children. It's something that has melted my heart every time it happens. It's a time of chatting, physical touch, and spiritual renewal for everybody involved. It's precious.

But, Lex and I have never been consistent, in fact, we've been horrible about praying together.

So, when all else failed, when nothing else worked, when we were at the end of our rope, we decided to pray together. What can it hurt?

Aren't we silly? Within moments, things felt better. Even when we didn't have definite answers, we felt better. There was truly a peace that passed all understanding.

So, my favorite part of the day is before the sun even comes up, when my husband, dressed in his PG&E cap and t-shirt, kneels beside me, removes his cap, holds my hand, and prays.

I love it.

God's Faithfulness

Driving on Sunday with my son and husband, something hit me like a pie in the face...

I suddenly said to them, "Isn't it amazing how God brings you through things?"

They were stumped because they don't read my mind and they didn't know which "things" I was referring to, however, they were kind to stay with me in this conversation.

My things are different from your things, although, often we have circles of things that intersect and we can have an understanding of how each other are feeling. (Lost yet?)

For years, and I do mean years, I've lived in a situation of survival. Does that mean I haven't been happy? No, absolutely not. However, we have had difficulties that have plagued us and caused great stress and sometimes even fear.

Now, understand that I know how ever difficult your situation is, you can always find someone in a worse condition...so don't take this as complaining. This is just the reality of my life.

Years ago my husband fell and tore his back requiring major back surgery and loss of job. This begat other unfortunate job situations which begat financial difficulties which begat stress in the marriage which begat lots of fear and resentment and unhappiness. However, through it all, often we would come back together at some point and say, "God is in charge, and I still love you."

We managed to continue serving and trusting, even though our hearts sometimes wanted to run and escape whatever pain we were enduring at the time. Fortunately, we have two amazing kids that took our attention off our own fear and stress and helped us continue to see what really mattered. (Bored yet?)

Then, there came the dropping off of a child 1400 miles away from us. Coming home, I stopped in Gallup, New Mexico. I had a "falling apart" like I've never experienced before. I came unhinged. I prayed for hours asking God to take away the pain and sadness. I begged that He would intervene and "heal" my heart of the breakage. I totally submitted every bit of myself as I cried and begged and cried more. I just knew I would never be o.k. again. I felt like I was never going to function on a "normal" pace again. For me, this was the straw that broke years of hay. He let me feel that way all night and into the next day.

I finally arrived home so glad to see my son and husband. Things seemed better.

I spent a few days "holed up" in my house. I didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I didn't want to have a Christmas Musical this year or celebrate a birthday. I didn't want to be employed any longer and couldn't imagine having to put another worship order together...ever!

Eventually, slowly, my head cleared...

And, driving to a store with my boys, I realized that God had not only brought us through years of difficulties, but had made us better, stronger, wiser.

I don't know how it happened, or when, exactly, but I do know that my husband is working for a wonderful company that promises his employment until he decides he's ready to retire. And when he's finished, he'll actually have a retirement to retire with!

I know that as difficult as the last few years have been, my love and respect for the man I fell in love with 19 years ago is stronger than ever.

I know that my children are healthy, and faithful and Godly.

I know that I found a beautiful Christmas Musical for this year, and, Sunday I will gladly celebrate my 44th Birthday!

But above it all, I know that I'm different. I know that God has not taken me further than what I could bear, and I know that He has been faithful to not only carry me/us through, but make us better in the process.

I know that when someone else is in a dark hole, I can sit and cry and pray with them, but in full confidence say to them:

"There is hope...God is faithful.

This is the first day of school for Ashley. It's the first time I haven't been there to hug, kiss, take the first day of school picture, and yes, cry.

I cry every first day of school. It's not a sad cry...it's an "I can't believe where the time is going" cry.

This year was different.

Last week was Avery's first day of school and I was in Texas...so my sweet Mom came over and took his picture in the right spot of the yard (it's fun to take it in the same spot every year. You see the vegetation and the child grow!). So, I've not seen it yet, but I know I have a first day of school picture for Avery.

Avery called me on his first day of school, so I was able to love on him over the phone. (between sobs...I had just left his sister!)

It is now 7:00 am our time and Ashley has already had one class. So, first day of school has officially started for her, too.

Mike Cope talks about the hands that grip the kids, how little by little fingers are pried off until finally, there is very little holding on to them. I didn't like that part of his message last Sunday, but I understood it.

I feel the grip loosen and the fingers one by one open.

I guess if you've done your job, and if God is merciful, you're able to let go on your own without anyone having to drag you or pry your fingers loose.

Parents, enjoy it all. I'm even enjoying this. There's always laughter after the sadness.

Driving home last week, I had a particularly bad, sad, horrible night in Gallup, New Mexico. I called my boys at home and cried and cried and cried.

Avery finally got on the phone after Lex couldn't do anything with me and said, "Mom, come home. We're waitin' for you. We're right here waitin'. And besides, Dad and I have run out of things we know how to cook!"

Laughter...thanks Avery. I'm glad I'm still needed.

Blessings!

Happy girl...

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen"

THE NEW NORMAL

I woke up today in Fresno.

Drove for two days away from Abilene and toward home.

It's the strangest feeling I've ever had...dropping off your child and driving away...and driving, and driving, and driving. Every bone in my body kept saying "go back...go back", but my brain knew I was doing the right thing.

Abilene is a wonderful place. It's a beautiful school with amazing people teaching and leading the kids/students. I had constant assurance from people I trust with...well...my child's life, that she will do wonderful and if there's ever a problem, they will be there for her. Thank you, God.

So, today, I am faced with the "new normal". Life changes, doesn't it? The old normal has been two children in my home. I liked that. In fact, my favorite part of any day was the early morning or late night when everybody was inside, safe, asleep. I'd walk to her room and then his and just look at them. I'd usually spend time in prayer for each one while looking at them sleep. Come on, you guys, admit it...you look at your kids sleeping, don't you?

But, this morning, I saw him and an empty room.

This is the beginning of the new normal for our home. Can't say it's my favorite time, but I am confident it is what is supposed to happen. Whether I like it or not.

By the way, Ashley is doing wonderful. She's already made great friends and is having a blast at "welcome week". She has Mike Cope for her Freshman Bible class...what more could you want! Classes begin next Monday. But for this week, they are having a wonderful time mixing and playing and getting to know each other.

I asked her last night if she had experienced any homesick moments. She paused for quite a while and then finally started giggling and said, "No...I'm sorry, Mom."

I assured her that I was comforted by the fact that she hadn't been homesick. It helps me know she's doing exactly what she's supposed to do!

Now, I'm going to go and get used to my new normal.
Blessings.

I'm in Abilene...

Spent the day setting my daughter in her dorm.

It looks wonderful, it feels wonderful, it is wonderful.

Last night, she spent the night with me in the hotel, and I'm not ashamed to say, I was really happy to hear she would stay again tonight with me.

It's hard to pray without tears...but, the prayers are necessary.

We'll go to Highland Church tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to hearing Mike Cope speak.

I leave Tuesday night, probably...

I'm not looking forward to driving away...

Keep praying.