Ever wonder how anything good gets done while trying to do so many things at once? We've high-teched ourselves into multi-tasking robots as we try to see who can accomplish the most in the least amount of time so we'll have time for....what, exactly?

I was hit in the face with this as I sat at my desk this morning. All music and three different translations of scripture lay out before me as I organize an Easter service. If you know me, you know I'm not a big holiday lover when it comes to our assembly time on Sunday morning. I put as much into the other 50 Sundays of the year as I do Easter and Christmas.

But, as most of you know, there are visitors to consider in larger number and there's always the hope that this particular service will touch an untouched part of their heart. That it will be this Sunday they see Jesus in a way that makes them want a personal relationship with Him on a daily basis...right?

Important? Absolutely.

Five different song books open, others laying behind me on the floor, two Bibles open, pencils sharpened and ready. I begin writing down possibilities, looking at scripture, putting down an order...

I decide to check my email. Something from Pepperdine saying they need a form that I've already FAXED to them twice. So, in the midst of all the planning, I call Pepperdine. I'm on the phone with them when my cell phone rings, I answer that and tell them to hold on just a second, I'll be right back with them. I'm chatting with Financial Aid when someone comes in my office and stands, waiting to say something...

As all this is happening, I'm still writing down song possibilities and putting together an order for Sunday.

I finished with Pepperdine, answered the question of the one standing in my office, and completed the cell conversation in record time.

Then I looked at what was before me.

I was a bit ashamed of myself. Not a beating of myself kind of shame, but just an honest..."I'm sorry other things take a slot before You" kind of feeling.

I don't have an answer to this problem. This isn't an occasional occurrence. I don't think it is with most Americans. Satan doesn't get us to sin, for the most part, by tempting us with holding up a bank, or murdering our friend, or stealing someone else's spouse.

He gets us in the business of life. He gets us with the busy multi-tasking way we think we're accomplishing so much, when usually, all we're doing is being distracted from the important things that matter in the long run.

We like to feel accomplished, productive, successful. By what standard are we measuring this? That's really the question.

Life is full of disappointments.

Our family shared one last night. I won't go into great detail out of respect for the inflicted party, but let me say that when your children hurt, you are devastated. I don't think I've felt quite the void and sadness for one of my kids ever the way I'm feeling it now.

Nothing that won't be fine eventually. But let me just say that the words you want to use in certain situations as a minister right now sound very lame...so through this I've learned that our pat answers like "when God closes a door, He opens a window" or "God is in control" or "You'll understand it better down the line"...lame, lame, lame.

Is our faith shaken? no. Are we angry at God? no. Do we know deep down all things work together for good for those that love Him? of course.

But last night, my baby had a broken hearted disappointment. So, I did what any self-respecting mother would do.

I went to the grocery store, found our drug of choice, sat on the bed and cried a little and said, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. Now, grab a spoon and dive in."

I love the story of David's anointing. I love the fact that Samuel is told by God..."I'll let you know when you find the right person." Jesse brings out his boys and one by one God says - "Nope, Next!" And so it goes until Samuel finally says, "is this it? is there another one?"

Well, yes, but it's the little one, the youngest. You know Jesse was thinking there must have been a mistake. Surely you don't mean this young one.

I love the way what seemed obvious to man, wasn't to God. I mean, if there's a job to do, don't we pick the strong one of great stature? Don't we elect men we see as strong physical specimens? Don't we see the physical person first and sometimes don't recognize a strong heart underneath?

God said, "Arise, anoint him; for this is the one!" Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the Lord came upon David from that day forward. (I Samuel 16:12,13)

Let's work on being Genuine. Holy. Transparent. Let's move away from making sure man will be impressed with our shell and pray that God is pleased with our hearts.

Now that Steven's posted the pictures he wanted to post, www.intentionalwalk.blogspot.com), I'll show you a couple more.

Sweet, sweet, sweet.

Grandma Jeanie received some post-game love.

Avery always gets a hug from James. These two are buds.

Sunshine, baseball, family all around to watch you, and a daddy who stays with you the whole way. What more could Master James want?

It was a very good hour.

I didn't know the lady who passed away, but her grandchild and some extended family attend College. So, I was honored to go sing at her grave side.

I thought I'd been in every cemetery in the Valley, but this one had escaped me. It was a beautiful, small, country cemetery surrounded by acres and acres of undeveloped land. Something difficult to find around here.

As I listened to the letters and words from family and friends, I thought I would have loved this woman. According to her family, she was sophisticated, classy, cultured, talented, generous, and sweet. Somebody said "mostly sweet"...that was the word they used above all others to define her.

Her home was always open, she made her family feel special, she baked and cooked and sewed. She was a wonderful artist.

She was struck with Alzheimers about 6 years ago and was "very bad" for about the last 4. They didn't talk about that. They just talked about all the wonderful things she was to them in her healthy days.

They didn't talk about how much money they had, or how many things she owned, or how many expensive trips they had been on. They talked about relationship and the way she made them feel in her presence.

The interesting thing about this funeral was that only when somebody took me aside and shared some information with me did I know how incredibly wealthy this family is. It didn't come from the family...and you would never have known it by their conversation. That's not what mattered to them.

As I stood on top of that hill, looking around, I was told that as far as the eye could see in two directions was undeveloped land owned by this family. Goodness! It was overwhelming. But it didn't matter.

What mattered was that when they asked her to bake a coconut cream pie, she not only baked coconut, but also chocolate.

That when the granddaughter needed a special outfit for a function at school, her grandma made her the prettiest dress in the whole world that made her feel like a princess.

That when it came time to pay some hefty Dr. bills, their Grandpa sold off a sliver of land to cover the best care he could buy for the woman he would love forever.

That even when she no longer knew him, he went to visit her twice daily, and took ice cream for her every day.

Funerals are good for me.
Funerals remind me of the simple good that gets cluttered by the hectic pace of "life".

This one reminded me that relationship is a beautiful gift from God. Not only relationship with eachother, but with Him.

What kind of imprint do you make on the family and friends you are blessed with?

And what about the strangers you come in contact with?

Blessings.

Back to work today.

Sitting at my desk.

Very strange.

Time away was wonderful.

I cooked
Not only washed the laundry, but actually folded it and put it away.
Enjoyed being there when my kids came home from school.
Cooked some more.
Read
Slept
Enjoyed T.V.
Enjoyed quiet.
Cleaned one cupboard in the kitchen. (only because when I opened it, everything came crashing out and it just irritated me enough to clean it.)
Enjoyed staying up late on Saturday night.
Enjoyed having people over to eat on Wednesday night.

But today, I need to remember what it feels like to focus on work. Honestly, very hard to do.

O.K. I didn't work out, I didn't clean all the closets, and I didn't abstain from all things yummy, BUT, I did learn how to relax again. How to take the day as it comes instead of directing and controlling every issue. How to sit up late under blankets watching a movie on Saturday night with my family. (By the way, Chicken Little broke my heart. Anybody else feel that way about poor little misunderstood Chicken Little?) How to really enjoy being home. It was a good time for me.

My challenge will be to continue to enjoy (while working) the things I enjoyed while not working.

Blessings.

So...the boys went to Las Vegas for the WORLD MONSTER TRUCK FINALS.

Not just the State Finals, not even the National Finals, but the WORLD Finals. They had a blast.

This was Avery's 16th Birthday present...but he had to wait a long time to enjoy it. His birthday was in June and it's now March.


When I bought the tickets in June, the stadium was selling out fast. Can you believe that? They had great seats and had a particularly wonderful guys weekend.

Ashley and I had a wonderful time together doing girlie things. We went Prom Dress shopping, looked at jewelry, went to a yummy lunch, and rented Chicken Little. It was so good to have her all to myself. I realized, again, what a pleasure she is. She is very funny and fun to have around. We usually don't have a full day to spend together and I considered this weekend a real treat.

We went to church Sunday and led worship and then headed to a 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration. Isn't that amazing? 50 years.

The boys returned home last night and today was a regular Monday. Everybody back to their respective jobs/schools.

What a nice break, though. My family is a treasure...an absolute treasure.

By the way, Ashley received her acceptance letter to Pepperdine today. She called me screaming...very excited. Now all we have to do is find a way to pay for it!

Blessings.

Your comments have been interesting. It's a good exercise to simply stop and think about how we relate to the world.

This book has me reading pages over again because it's not in my typical language...but the process is good for me and what I'm learning is exciting.

I say that to say this: I know some of you may see this as simplistic. Maybe you've thought these thoughts months or years before and you're thinking, "Duh, we already knew that." But for me, this is where my brain is at the moment. So, hang in there with me.

There is basically a matrix which offers four general categories addressed in this book. They've chosen 5 people to speak on each quadrant. (one quadrant has two authors).

This matrix represents the church's response to cultural change on two axes, change in method/form/style and change in message/content/substance.

According to the book, churches fall into one of these categories:
1. Low Change in Method/Low Change in Message
2. High Change in Method/Low Change in Message
3. High Change in Message/Low Change in Method
4. High Change in Message/High Change in Method

Leonard Sweet goes on to say this:

This introductory essay anatomizes the complex subject of Christ and culture in a different way: by describing four types of clearings (Garden, Park, Glen, Meadow) in which twenty-first century leaders are laboring. The language of "clearing" is another way of talking about "Kingdom" and kingdom is another way of talking about creativity. Each clearing engenders a different ecosystem.

Sweet goes on to explain that those in the first clearing, the Garden, use only tried and true seeds that have been inherited. They retain the purity of the seed stock and pass on the rituals of planting as they've inherited them. This is called "preserving message/preserving method" clearing.

The second clearing, the Park, use only the seeds that have been passed down from their ancestors, but they exploit new methods of planting the ground. This is the "preserving message/evolving methods" clearing.

Third is the Glen, where they feel free to fortify the seed stock and adapt it to meet the challenges of new environments. However, they sow this new seed in traditional ground with traditional plows. This is the "evolving message/preserving method" clearing.

Finally, those in the Meadow are open to augmenting the seed stock, even using new techniques of cross-fertilization, hybridization, and the like. They desire to use the latest tractors and any other equipment needed. This is the "evolving message/evolving method" clearing.

Obviously, this isn't absolute. These "clearings" or quadrants aren't the final say in who we are. But it's an interesting study.

To answer my own question from the previous blog...I use a genuine "how are you?" method as well as food. Food can reach people and make them vulnerable in ways that open you up to conversation later. And, when ordering or paying or whatever I'm doing in daily life, I try to always ask people how their day is going in some way. It's amazing the hunger people have to just be cared about...if even for a short moment.

Blessings...

Finished a "fun" book of light reading Sunday, so I thought it was time to get into something a bit meatier.

I've had "The Church in Emerging Culture" for some time and haven't dug in yet.

There are 5 authors: Leonard Sweet, Andy Crouch, Michael Horton, Frederica Mathewes-Green, Brian McLaren, and Erwin Raphael McManus.

The book begins with Leonard Sweet, who happens to blow my mind. When he was in Fresno for the ZOE Conference, I would listen, and then have to stop and think about what he just said, which made me sometimes miss what he was saying next. He has a sarcastic tone, but generally, his thoughts are brilliant...in my opinion.

His chapter begins:

"It has been more than fifty years since the publication of H.Richard Niebur's classic text Christ and Culture (1951), which asked the question, What kinds of relationships does the church want with the culture?"

Sweet goes on to say that Niebur's book was "one of the most influential Christian books of the past century." He then says, "Niebuhr's words aren't the last on the subject. Five decades after Christ and Culture, we're still asking: Is the 'lived culture' of Christian faith shaped by criteria intrinsic to itself or in mutual exchange with the culture?"

So, fifty years ago the questions were the same as today. And, in the first century, the question was how to relate to the culture. Sweet goes on to say that the Christ of the Bible is the Christ of a culture. The ultimate act of communication in history, the Incarnation, means that Christ became a part of a culture and can't be understood apart from culture. You can't live in God without living in the world.

So, my question of the day is this...

How do you personally relate to the world? What tools do you have that catches the worlds attention? How do you, Christian people, develop healthy relationship with the world?

I have an answer for myself...but you'll have to tune in next time the read it. For now, I'm interested in your comments regarding your own life.

Blessings...

The "Viewing"

This blog won't take long.

Went to "view" Lex's Grandmother today. I've been to a few, and usually, they're in a larger room so you can "escape" actually "viewing" the body in the casket.

I know I'm weird. Maybe it's the hundreds of funerals I've sung for, or maybe I'm just really a strange bird, but I don't get the viewing concept.

We went to the Funeral Home and they directed us to a room where the door was closed. We expected others to be there, but nobody was in the room except Avery, Lex, and I. Open the door and nearly walked right into Grandma.

Oh, this isn't good. Closed the door and immediately felt the blood, or something, rush to my head. Turned my back on Grandma to read the guest list of those who had already been there. Felt a little light headed...fortunately there was a chair and a couch. Avery took the couch, I took the chair. Sweet Lex was paying his respects to Grandma.

"So, isn't this a cool old house?" I asked my architect son.

"This was a house?"

"A long time ago...can you imagine living here? It's beautiful." I answered

We made small talk, I took the "program" and fanned my face that felt like it was on fire.

I acted very cool. Then, Lex asked me if I was ready to go.

I was up and out of there before he even finished the sentence.

So, here's the important part of my blog.

For the record, when I quit breathing, when God takes my soul from this earth, when I no longer have control over my make-up, hair, and clothes...I don't want to be viewed. I don't care who you are. I don't care how much you proclaim you loved me, I don't care how long we knew each other...don't view me. It panics me to even think about it.

By the way, the quick nano-second that I glanced at Grandma, I noticed she looked beautiful. Peaceful. But then that fever came over me and I had to look away.

Blessings.

This vacation stuff is glorious.



O.K. I've really only been home. I've not been to Cancun, the Greek Isle, or Bahamas.

It usually takes me about a week to become fully detached from work. It's been a week. I'm beyond detached! I'm giddy...

Home is wonderful. I've loved being here. Lex called the other day to see if I wanted to meet him somewhere for lunch...something I normally would have LOVED doing. I surprised him as well as myself by saying I just wanted to be home. Didn't want to go anywhere.

Baked some cookies yesterday for a friend who had surgery 2 weeks ago. Thought she might be up for some oatmeal raisin specialties...iced with a scrumptious glaze, of course! So, last night I packaged up three plates of goodies. Avery took one plate to the neighbors and Lex and I took off to deliver the other two.

As we were driving, Lex got a phone call that his grandmother had just passed away. We've been expecting it, but none-the-less, it's strange to actually get the call.

"You o.k?" I asked.
"sure...it's better" he answered.

We continued on toward the goal of delivering our plates of love to those who mean a great deal to us.

I thought how strange it is that someone can actually pass from earth and we just continue driving to deliver cookies. Seems like something should happen, but what?

We had a wonderful evening together, Lex and I. We talked and laughed and enjoyed our friends.

My phone rang and Ashley said she was going to bed...she had to be up early for a journey to Sacramento today. Said good night and she loved me. It made me want to quickly get home and hug and kiss my girl.

We made our final stop at the grocery store for milk and hurried home. It was good to be home again...Avery curled up in a chair with a blanket watching the end of the newest released Harry Potter DVD and Ashley in her bed almost asleep. I bent down and kissed her sweet cheek and neck taking in a deep breath. I don't ever want to forget that sweet smell of my children...even when they aren't in my home any longer.

I don't know what will happen the moment I pass from earth...probably people will go on about their business and hopefully think sweet things about me. I do know, though, that I am enjoying every second filled with millions of blessings while I'm here.

I love being around the table with my kids and husband. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen often enough. But when it does, I treasure it.

The conversation is almost always spirited, vibrant, intelligent, and revealing. It's neat to be able to talk to your kids like adults.

I asked the kids if they had any opinion on the practice of Lent. I specifically asked Avery if he knew what it was..."the stuff in the bottom of your pockets?" he replied with a naughty grin. I never know for sure if he's joking.

Then, because Ashley has many friends of the Catholic and Lutheran faith, I asked if she'd tell us what she knows about it. She did a good job explaining it. I then asked if they thought it wasn't a really good practice. Something physical we do to help us focus on Christ on a daily basis...how can that be bad?

We talked about the fact that just because it isn't commonly practiced in the C of C doesn't mean it isn't something good...and, just because it's embraced by another "religion" doesn't mean it's bad.

Ashley said we missed out on the "Fat Tuesday" part of it which puts us at a disadvantage. Basically, we agreed we have been living like it's "Fat Tuesday" for about 3 months now. It's time to become more focused and disciplined.

They agreed...

"So, Mom," Avery asked, "what are you going to give up?"

Yikes...why do I have to answer first, and when did this conversation flip from me in charge to them?

"I don't know...what do you guys think you would be willing to give up?" I used the 'ole Randy method of answering a question with a question.

Ashley responded that her friends had given up a multitude of things but mainly sugar and caffeine. Some have given up meat...some chocolate. But the majority have the sugar and soda thing in common. So, she thought giving up sugar and soda would be good because she wouldn't want to eat/drink in front of her friends anyway. So, basically, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Avery thought sugar and soda was a good thing to give up. Lex, too. So, what was I to do? How can I give up anything and still retain sugar and soda? O.K. I'll give up sugar and soda.

I was so grateful to see today at the grocery store Black Cherry Jello in a sugar free container. Very exciting. There was Chocolate, also. So, in my fridge sits happy little pudding/jello cups minus one. I've already tried the Black Cherry...very tasty!

I have thrown away the M&M's...I've tried to throw away the Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream in the freezer, but can't quite seem to follow through with that. I need to dump the 2 liter sodas we have left over from a dinner we had with company a few days ago.

So, if you had to give something up, (or maybe you do during this time), what would be most difficult to let go of?

I don't think it's a necessary practice to get me into heaven, but something that helps create physical health while at the same time focusing my mind on Christ can't be bad. When I have wanted something I promised to refrain from, it has made me think about what He gave up for me. Seems trivial in comparison to His sacrifice.

Blessings!

Am I the only one in the world who noticed her hair first? Really, you guys...take a look at that hair. Seriously...why wasn't that one of the choices..."What is the first thing you noticed about her?" Please, somebody tell me you noticed the her weird ponytail.

O.K. I give...who is this?

And this? No, really, I want to know.

Am I embarrassing you, Steve? Really, I don't know who these people are and wonder why that girl would allow a picture of herself like that on the internet.

Oh, by the way, I scored 4%. And, I'm a little upset at that...

What did I answer that said I was 4% nerdy?

Oh, well...the test said I might even be cool. My kids would disagree.

Happy Monday!

Yesterday was a huge day in our family. In my life as a mother, it was a milestone. It was one of those moments you're proud of in so many ways, but internally, you ache and hurt because it is just that...one more step toward adulthood for your child.

My Avery bought his first vehicle. He's been searching and saving for months. He knew exactly what he wanted and he found it. I can't say I'm excited about it. My first thought as I looked at it through a few tears was how big it was...how tall it was...how easily it could roll over in a split second...where's the roll bar? (My boys assured me they would be attaching a roll bar.)

This is the vehicle that drives in front of you and makes you crazy because you can't see around it. This is the truck you hear before you see it coming. This is my son's dream. What's a mother to do?

I haven't seen Avery so excited about anything since...well...maybe ever. This is it for him.

It's so hard to continue to parent while balancing that line of "I support you and whatever you decide" and "are you nuts?! Have you thought this through?"

When they are little, you make all their decisions for them. Then, gradually, the scales tip the other way and they begin making all their own decisions...hopefully with your input, but ultimately, it's up to them.

My job is to love, encourage, support, teach where possible, and stand back. Whew...that stand back part is tough. Some of you already know this. You've been there.

I wonder how many times in our life God, our Father, who loves us like no other, stands back and hopes we make wise decisions? Sometimes shaking His head wondering "what are they thinking?"

I don't think Avery made an unwise choice. If you know my son, you know he's researched and studied and figured out exactly what he's doing before he does it. He's already told me the wheels and tires alone are worth what he paid for the whole truck. He knows what he's doing.

Let me just close by saying, I long for the little boy playing in the floor with his hot wheels. I ache for the sound of the big wheel tearing down the side walk. It seems like only yesterday we took him to buy his first big bike with his own money.

And now in front of my house sits a Chevy Truck taller than I...

It is possible to be very proud and very sad all in the same moment.

I still have a few things to do...

But, officially, my time off begins tomorrow.

There have been things today that have tugged at me and made me wonder if I really should take the time. Knowing deep down that there's never a perfect time to be gone, I'm going to step away. Because it's like waiting until you can afford it to have a baby...you can never really afford it, and yet, you can't afford not to.

I told the Worship Committee that I'll be better when I come back...our sweet Youth Minister (she said sarcastically) said..."Did you say you'll be BITTER when you come back?" What a character that Tim is!

Clora Ann Crum will be taking charge of the Worship Team and the guys on the Worship Committee will take a bit of the weekly worry off me...(finding scripture readers, Communion people, etc...)

So, here I go...ready or not!

It's been so long since I've "blogged", I don't know where to start...

I have a sister-in-law deeply involved with the Creative Memories (picture scrapbooking) industry. Her answer when asked "where do I start?" by those of us who have years and years of pictures to chronicle and sift through is..."start from today and work forward. Then, as you have time you can go back." This keeps you from being overwhelmed.

I'm going to take her advice here in the blogging world also. So, today, it's Monday. Lots has happened, but we'll start from today.

I have two days of work left before I take some time off. I'm looking forward to that time. I'm a "all-in" or "fold" kind of personality. If I'm in there, I'm working hard and expecting much. If I'm going to take time off, I have to absolutely unplug for a good length of time or there's no since in even taking the time.

I'm taking March off. I will still be responsible for putting together the worship order, working with the preachers, and preparing and providing the music for the Worship Team. I won't, however, be in the office during office hours. My orders will be put together at home, my conversations with the preachers will be by email, and I will run down on Saturdays to copy the music for them. That's o.k. It's not as "unplugged" as I'd like, but it will do for now.

Here are my hopes for the coming month. (do you understand the risk I'm taking in revealing my plans? What if I don't get it all done?)

* Back to the gym
* 4 closets cleaned out
* Paint one bathroom, an entry way, and a dining area
* Read, Read, Read
* Pray, Pray, Pray
* Write some music
* Spend focused time with my husband
* Mother my kids

I'm really looking forward to spending my energy in a different direction. We'll see what happens with all these "plans". Hopefully, on April 1, I'll feel like my time was well spent and what I did during March was valuable to my personal, spiritual, and physical well-being.

When I was a kid, I remember Sunday afternoon was the sacred nap time. My Mom worked very hard every other minute of the week...I loved Sunday mornings because she was up early browning a roast or baking a pie or something wonderful for our Sunday after church lunch. Then, after lunch and dish clean-up, Mom rested.

As kids, we knew if we were loud or somehow woke her up, it wouldn't be pretty. It was her time to rest. She worked hard...she deserved it.

Our lives are so hectic now. People scramble in different directions every minute of the day, every day of the week. We have no designated rest time. We need it.

I don't know how to change our crazy schedules, but for now, I'm looking forward to unplugging from here (work) and heading home to rest. Hopefully, I'll provide some peace and calm to my family in the process.

I'll be able to blog assuming Avery lets me use his computer! :)

I'll look forward to reading your blogs on a more regular basis...

Blessings to you all!

...so Valentine's Day. Was it a good one for all of you or is it just another day?

My daughter went to dinner with a friend of hers which left lex and Avery and I. Once Lex finally got home from work, we tried to decide what to do. It's the dream of most women that the man will actually have a plan, but we really don't expect it. Just hope for it.

On a side note, Lex was late because a technician was rear-ended on a customers brand spankin new chopper while test driving it to make sure it was all in good working order...had to wait for the police, file a report, take the technician to the hospital to get checked out, etc. After he told me, I asked if everything was o.k. and his answer was, "Yes, we just had to take the fender off the back and the front tire is bent a little." I meant the technician...is the technician o.k. Men...

Anyway, the boys finally decided on the noisiest sports place you can possibly go. It wasn't too crowded (compared to everything else in town). This is the place where the noise makes it virtually impossible to have a conversation. Must be why the boys like it. There are T.V.'s everywhere. Huge T.V.'s. However, the food is good and on a busy day, it wasn't bad to just go, eat, not talk, and zone out watching multiple T.V.'s.

The fun part is that Avery drove us. He is the most cautious driver I've ever seen. Very sweet.

I was in my room at the end of the night almost asleep...the T.V. was on, and Lex was sitting beside me. I remembered there were clothes in the washer that needed to be dried or hung to dry. Delicate stuff...

I looked at him and said, "You know, if you would take care of the clothes in the washer, it would totally make up for the lack of jewelry and flowers."

He rolled his eyes and went to take care of the clothes. I fell asleep.

I'll bet men hate Valentines Day.

I LOVED Valentines Day as a kid. Elementary school. You get to make your "craft" bag that will hold all the valentines the other kids will give you. Tape it on the side or front of your desk.

A list goes home with the names of all the students in the class. Everybody was to receive a valentine. You chose your valentine cards very carefully so the wrong person doesn't get the wrong idea that maybe you "like" them.

The teacher tells you when you can distribute and then everybody gets up and wanders around delivering their cards. Some had suckers attached. It was a wonderful day. I always felt very loved and liked on that day.

So to all you bloggers, my valentines card to you would say...

"Happy Valentines Day!
I love you AND like you a lot!"

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NLT

Let me share with you a phone conversation I had Friday night...
"Hello"

"Hello...is this the Henderson residence?"

"Yes it is."

"Is this Mrs. Henderson?" (honestly, you never get used to being called by your mother-in-law's name!)

"Yes it is"

"This is Chris Yeager"

"Hi Chris" (I didn't know who Chris Yeager was, but he said it like I should know so I acted like I did...)

"I'm with the Navy"

"................." (silence)

"Are you aware your son has inquired about the Navy?"

"................." (silence)

"Mrs. Henderson?"

"Uh, yes, I'm here..."

"Avery is only 16, correct?" (It totally unnerved me that he called him by his name!)

"YES!" (finally a question I could answer!)

"Well, Mrs. Henderson," (why does he keep calling me that?) "we can't talk to Avery without your permission until he is 17 and a senior." (Darn tootin' you can't!) "So, I would really like to set up an appointment with you and Mr. Henderson and Avery to show you all the things the Navy has to offer. We see Avery as someone with great potential."

"..........." (this man had actually rendered me speechless a few times)

"Mrs. Henderson? Can we set up an appointment? I'd just like to come over and talk with you and Mr. Henderson and Avery."

"Hold on just a minute. Can you? Do you mind holding on just a minute?"

"No problem, Mrs Henderson."

At his point I go running back to Avery's room...forgetting he had just left the house with his Dad to see his science teacher. I look at Ashley and say...

"Avery?"

"Mom! You o.k.?"

"Uh...ya. Nevermind. You're not Avery..."
"Hello? I forgot. Avery left to see his science teacher really quick. He programmed their rocket for a launch tomorrow and isn't able to go to the launch...so he went to show the teacher what needs to be done and how to run the program."

"He's showing the science teacher what to do?"

"Well..." I said quickly backpeddling..."he's not THAT smart! He just went to show him a program for the launch."

"So, Mrs. Henderson, do you support Avery's decision?" (What a loaded question! And just exactly what decision is he referring to?)

"............"

"Mrs. Henderson?"

"O.K." I finally said, "here's the deal. Avery is very smart."

"We know how smart Avery is, Mrs. Henderson" (YIKES!)

"....AND...I mean...BUT he is also very very sweet."

"I'm sure he is, Mrs. Henderson."

"What I mean is, Avery has unlimited potential to do whatever he wants to do. And I don't know what that will be, but whatever it is, he will be great at it! So, I don't know about this Navy stuff, but I'm sure whatever Avery decides to do, then yes, his father and I will support him...whatever that is." (I was rambling...)

"That's why we would like to talk to you. We see Avery as someone with unlimited potential, also. But we need your support. We want to show you everything the Navy has to offer."

At this point, I felt sick to my stomach.

This is the kid we never had to spank because just the raising of your voice would stop him. He HATES being yelled at...or talked to sternly. And if you think for one second I'm going to APPROVE and SUPPORT his going to a place where for the first six weeks they spend tearing you down after I've spent his whole life building and loving and supporting him to be the confident and capable young man he is today...YOU'RE CRAZY!

But...do I support my son? Absolutely.

Does it stink to be a parent? Sometimes it does.

I don't know what will happen in Avery's future...but Friday night I was reminded that God delivers these beautiful packages called children to our lives and lets us keep them around for a while...and then, they get to make their own decisions and follow their own dreams.

I just pray for wisdom as the strings are being loosed from yet another child. I hope I make it through all this letting go stuff.

Blessings.

For Ashley's birthday,we gave her George Strait tickets. I've decided that my kids have enough "stuff", so most of our gifts, especially the bigger ones, will be experiences of some kind. Relationships and experiences...good things in life.

I purchased these tickets online and wasn't able to get great seats, but she was excited anyway. She loves concerts...and country music. Actually, any music, just about. But she is a traditionalist in some ways and George Strait fits that mold.

The significance of the George Strait thing is this:

Ashley was a baby...about 6 weeks old. Lex had tickets to George Strait. I really didn't want to go. Please take someone else, I begged. I hated the thought of leaving Ashley with anybody and being gone from her for hours. It was a horrible thought. But, Lex continued to ask and finally persuaded me to leave her with my Mom and Dad and go enjoy the concert. There were many couples from the church going and he felt like I needed a night out. (Maybe he felt like we needed a night out.)

It was the longest concert of my life. I thought he would never stop playing. It was agonizing. I worried and fretted and wondered if she was o.k. The truth was, I learned from my Dad later, she cried off and on the whole time. Mom couldn't figure out what was wrong with her...thought maybe she was sick...Dad said to just wait. She just needed her Mom.

When we got back to Mom and Dad's house, I walked in and she was fussing...I picked her up and she stopped immediately. It was the most warm and wonderful feeling to hold that baby girl. Silly...I'd only been gone about 4-5 hours total, but it felt like an eternity.

So, tonight, to celebrate her 18th birthday, my baby will go hear George Strait. She's going with a friend of hers and although I'm sure it won't be quite as excruciating, I will miss her and be glad to see her when she gets back home.

Life is really a great big circle. Things come and go and come back again...what didn't matter before has great significance later.

I told that story, with shaky voice and a few tears, to the family present when she received the tickets. We all laughed (at me, I think) and cried a little to think this seemed like a few minutes ago, and yet, here stood this beautiful 18 year old young woman. I don't know how time can fly so quickly.

I'm still pushing for Fresno State!

I spent last weekend (Friday - Tuesday) in Nashville. I was honored to be asked to join the ZOE Planning session.

I don't know about you all, but to sit at a table with Randy Gill, Jeff Walling, Larry Bridgesmith, Brandon Scott Thomas, Mike Cope, John York, Greg Taylor...yikes. I had promised myself I wouldn't talk. Just listen. I did o.k. with that for most of the first night session. But by the next day, I discovered they are just people. Plain old very smart deep hearted people. So, I talked. Bless their hearts. They were gracious with me.

I'm excited about what this next conference will look like. Although there isn't an absolute title yet, we will be talking about intimacy with God. What does that look and feel like? And, how do we achieve that?

Obviously, there's more to it than that, but that's the jumping off point.

The special speaker this year is Lauren Winner. To see more of her, you can jump to Mike Cope's blog. He has a link in his Feb 1 entry.

It's good to be home.

A few days ago, Tuesday to be exact, it was Lex's Birthday!

It's not that we didn't celebrate, although it was just Lex and I at home as the kids were still in Abilene, it's just that we celebrated quietly.
I asked him if he wanted to go to a movie and dinner that night and he was agreeable. Then, as I know he's been wanting to see Narnia, I assumed that would be the choice of movie. His response to that was, "I can't see that without the kids..."



So, we saw something else and then went to a late quiet dinner after the movie. It was a very nice time together. But, tonight, we have tickets to see Narnia...with the kids...
It will be nice to be together...the four of us.

As I said at the beginning of this school year, I'm so aware that my time with this little family unit is short lived. Is that to say we'll never be together as a foursome after the kids head off to college? Of course not. But it won't be the same.

So, tonight, we'll enjoy some time together. The four of us. We'll laugh, talk, watch a good movie together, probably even fuss a little bit...and it will be wonderful.

I tease Lex that he will never really grow up...that on a good day, he's about 12, but his normal attitudes and activities involve those from about an 8 year old boy.

He's fun, and silly, and sweet, and innocent, and doesn't mind spontaneity!

Lex is one of the best father's I've ever known. He is extraordinarily devoted to his children. He loves them with a selfless love...provides them with constant hugs and tackles and sweet touches. Showers them with praise of things he's proud of them for...and, reminds them every night as he prays with them before bed, who he serves.

Lex is a great man. I'm blessed to have been chosen to partner with him in this life.

AP - Veggie burgers and tofu do not have strong health benefits, says a new heart association study on soy-based foods... Whew! What a relief! I'm waiting for the study that says that exercise really isn't that good for you and potatoes are life lengthening, particularly when topped with butter, cheese, sour cream, and bacon bits!


O.K. On to more serious matters. My sweet children come home today. They left with the ZOE group Sunday to check out Abilene Christian University for a few days. They were blessed to stay with Mike, Diane, and Chris Cope. They were shuttled around by Mike, Sally Gary, and Matt Maxwell. Amazing people. They walked the campus, checked out Mike Cope and Randy Harris' Bible class, listened in on a class taught by Sally Gary, and ate some great pizza with the Maxwell's and B.B.Q. from "Harold's". Never been there, but Avery said he was waiting for Bo and Luke Duke to come strolling in any minute. He loved it.

I'll be eager to hear what they thought about the school. Any Abilene Alum out there want to put in their "two cents" on this subject?

I can't say much about the Conference because it was truly overwhelming. Listening to Leonard Sweet, John York, and others talk about becoming a more missional church was invigorating, as well as convicting.

Teresa Newsom signed the songs we were singing again, and as always, put a new beauty to the song that you hadn't felt before. She is so gifted.

Lee Smith and Bill Barksdale work for days...literally days...to provide two of the most amazing dinners for the ZOE group...(and those of us working the conference). They feed about 70 people both nights in the most beautiful and delicious way you've ever seen. I don't know if there is a group that works harder and longer than that group to prepare, cook, and serve...and with smiles and joy! What a blessing they are to this church and to me personally.

We had people providing lunches, housing guests, making the foyer beautiful with fresh fruit and munchies and water, registering people, babysitting "ZOE kids", praying with and for folks, taking care of a "green room" for the ZOE group to get away to when needed, (complete with fruit, sodas, water, chocolate, nuts, couches, etc...), and on and on the list goes.

Of course, if you've read Stevens blog, he's told you how hard his wife, my sister-in-law, works. She's a maniac! She loves to work herself to death! She takes on anything that I don't need to handle and handles it beautifully. 4 years ago, she helped just because she was related...during that ZOE weekend, she discovered her "place"...her "gift". It was a beautiful discovery for her...she went from being Steven's wife, to having absolute value all on her own.

Now, it wouldn't matter if I was running the conference or someone else, she would be on the team.

I guess to wrap this up, I will say again how very thankful I am that soy isn't the miracle food (if you can call it that) that they once thought it was. One less thing I have to feel guilty about not doing!

But, even more than that, I am so grateful for this place...College Church. Not because we have it all together...goodness no! But because of the family that meets here. They are generous, hospitable, gracious, loving, accepting, and hard working. I'm so blessed to be part of them.

All I can say about the conference is...

wow...wow...wow...

God is good. God is generous with His blessings. God is merciful and gracious.

It was a beautiful and wonderful weekend.

I'll write more later...on another day. But for now, I'm going to bed for about a day and a half.

Good night sweet bloggers.

There's only so much you can write when it's the Wednesday before a National Worship Conference which begins Friday...

However, as God always does, He allowed me to go, go, go, and then finally, drew my attention back to Him.

I started to have some minor physical problems that, if it were not the week of the conference, I would have ignored. However, I need to be at my best, so I called my Dr and went in yesterday at 10:40 am. I didn't really have much time, but knew it was the best course of action. So, at 11:30, when I was still in the waiting room, I went up the the front counter and asked if they had forgotten me. They informed me that she was running one to two hours behind.

What should I have said then? What would you have said?

"You have got to be kidding me!" I said graciously. (insert sarcastic tone here)

They finally got me in. Told me my heart wasn't pumping like it should so my veins weren't contracting like they should so my ankles and feet are becoming the size of my thighs. (and if you've seen me, you know that's not a good thing!).

"We need to do an ultra sound of your heart to see what's going on." the Dr. said.

Do you know what I said?

"I don't have time for this. I'll worry about it next week."

Isn't that silly? Now that I look back on it, that was really silly.

Anyway, she listened to my worried words about all I have to do and how I'm already late for a meeting at my office and I hate to keep people waiting and next week I will promise to look into this heart thing and can you please just give me something to get me through Sunday so I can finish this Conference up successfully!

Her response..."you know that was all in one breath, in fact, I haven't noticed you actually take a deep breath since you've been here...and, it sounds like you're not depending on your source of strength...and, yes, I'll give you 4 pills to get you through this week, but then you come back and we'll see what's going on with your heart."

Hhmmm...

I'm glad I didn't have to get tough with her. But that "source of strength" comment was a low blow. She's a Christian...we've talked before...she's asked me to pray for her daughter, we've shared thoughts on mothering, etc...

So, yesterday, once again, God had to grab my face and make me look in his eyes.

Thank you, God.

Pray for this weekend.
Pray for the travelers to be safe.
Pray we don't have fog that hinders the planes from arriving.
Pray that God is all over this weekend...all over this church...all over the speakers, teachers, singers, participants...all over our hearts.

18 years ago today I was tired, overwhelmed, and blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

My sweet Ashley was born...

When I began this journey of parenting, I had no idea what I was doing. I had no clue what a difficult thing it was. I had no concept of what it felt like to have such unconditional love and acceptance for another person.

Ashley has taught me more than I will ever teach her.

Ashley is beautiful...inside and out.
Ashley is kind...but tough.
Ashley is talented...She sings, plays French Horn, teaches children, excels in school.
Ashley is Godly...she lives by His commandments and shares a deep personal relationship with her Creator.
Ashley cares deeply for people. She's the friend you want...in good times and bad.
Ashley is my daughter...my flesh and blood...my great blessing.

As an adopted person, I never really understood the "family connection" some folks have. Especially sister to sister. I understood my own blessing of being placed by God in a home that was clearly my family, but didn't "get" the deep down family connection of people thinking what you think before you say it. I didn't experience the family resemblance aspect of life because I didn't look like anybody else in my family. That's not bad, it's just the way it was...until Ashley.

As I looked into her little face I realized that my DNA, my traits, my blood had been transferred miraculously into this little person. As she has grown and developed into an amazing young woman, I am continually amazed by the connection she and I have. It's something I can't quite put into words, but it's obvious when you know the two of us.


There is so much about Ashley that I love. But even beyond love, I respect who she is. Ashley will make a difference wherever she is. Ashley will represent our family well. Ashley will represent our church well. Ashley will represent God well.

I'm so proud of who she is.
I'm so blessed to be her mother.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl!

Just want to thank all of you who have emailed me or commented on my blog.

I appreciate your prayers, your thoughts, your comments.

It's amazing this "community" we've been blessed with, not just through blogging, but through Jesus Christ. I say often, and it's worth repeating, relationship with each other is one of the greatest gifts God gave us...don't you think?

Anyway, prayer works. Things are looking up. I'm feeling like this thing just might come off in a big way! Fortunately, it's not up to me...

My friend, Eric, the Executive Director of ZOE comes on Saturday. He comes early for two reasons. One, he helps with all the final details, and two, we're friends and it gives us an excuse to spend some time together.

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Hard to believe...in fact, I can't think about it without a little break down. What's the difference in ages? Why are some more difficult to accept than others? She's been deep in their school show the last two weeks. Leaving the house about 7:am and not returning until 11:pm. They needed cookies to sell at the concession stand during intermission Thursday - Sunday, and I got volunteered somehow. Ashley promised me she didn't suggest it, but none-the-less, amidst everything, I'm baking a bunch of cookies.

Enough.
I'm babbling.
Keep praying.
Love you all.

"Aren't you going to get up?" Lex said sweetly as he left for work today...

"Nope." I answered defiantly. "I'm staying right here for 2 weeks! Somebody else is going to have to run the conference and plan worship. I'm tired and I can't do it."

"O.K." he answered. "Let me know how that works for you."

What's he been watchin'? Dr. Phil?

I wanted to stay in bed today...in fact, I did for a long time until I finally decided I could drag myself out.

This conference has me scared silly for some reason. This is the 4th time I've put this thing together, and this time, for some reason is worse than all the others.

I remember the first time not being able to eat much the week before, but I didn't feel overwhelmed like I do now.

Finally, about 11:30, I sat on my bed ready to go to work and decided I needed to pray. I was the only one home so the house was quiet...I bowed my head and tried to pray. All I could hear was a plane going over our house, the spa pump from the house behind us, and Avery's fish tank bubbling. It sounded like percussion in my head.

I finally said, "Oh, brother, God! I can't even pray I'm so frazzled!"

It took me a couple of minutes just sitting there with my eyes closed hearing all the sounds. Finally, I was able to talk...pray...request...plead.

I know He's in charge. I know worry and fear are forms of doubt and unfaithfulness. And, I know this next week will be wonderful, uplifting, encouraging, challenging, and full of God.

I couldn't help but think "why would God want a relationship with me? why use this frazzled overwhelmed woman to do the work you've set before her? why not find someone who is capable, able, competent, sophisticated, brilliant...blah, blah, blah?"

I know there's a Bible story in there somewhere. "don't use me...I can't speak"

Sometimes we forget God uses us not because we're slick and have it all together...but precisely because we are a mess. What's the use of being God if you only use those who are perfect? He did that once...covered us for eternity...now it's up to us to be His tool.

Pray for the conference. Selfishly I ask you to pray for me. I want to be poised and gracious and, most of all, Godly.

Pray for the safety of the planes and cars coming into town through the fog.

Above all, pray that hearts are touched and God is glorified.

There are a couple of reasons I love this picture...

First, it's taken at Pismo. We love going to Pismo. It's a place we all get together to laugh, play, eat, read, sleep, enjoy each other.

This is the balcony of the condo we stay in for the week we are there. This is where I can get my heart rate to slow down and my breathing to deepen.

I love the way the air smells. I love the pier in the background. I love hearing the waves crash on the sand. I love watching people play on the sand. But above all, I love those two boys in the picture. That is my son and my nephew.

I love the way Steven (my brother) asked me not to name my son James because he hoped to have a son one day and wanted to name him after our Dad. So, Avery's middle name is James, and eventually, there was another James Thurman.

I love the way the big one is gently taking care of the little one. I love the way the little one is calm and trusting, knowing the big one is there if he should need anything.

You see, Avery stepped out there because James stepped on the railing. It made Avery nervous to see him stand there without someone to catch him if he were to slip. We know James probably couldn't have slipped under or through those railings, but Avery wasn't positive and wanted to be there just in case.

I love the massiveness of God. I love the magnitude of His amazing creation. I love the overwhelming greatness of God as seen in the ocean, the mountains, the desert, and on and on.

But, I also love the deep, quiet, gentle bigness of my God.

We all have tough times.

Cars crash through our kitchens.
Children prepare to leave home.
We struggle financially.
We battle difficult relationships.
We lose loved ones.
Marriages struggle.
We live far from those we love.

and on and on the list goes....

Know this...the next time you find yourself out on the railing, there is a big, quiet, gentle one right beside you...hanging out, loving you, guiding you, protecting you. Don't just know it in your head, feel His presence deep in your soul. He gave it all to keep you safe.

That's why I love this picture.

 

I told you I would be a New Year's baker this year...and a New Year's baker I was!

Sunday was wonderful. Steve Thurman did a remarkable job speaking to the church...don't tell him I said this, but he is obviously growing and deepening and maturing. It's difficult when you've always been good, as he has, since a very young age. I think a lot is expected of you. But to see him grow in wisdom and gentleness and courage as he speaks is beautiful.

So, we expected a sleepy, late, sparse crowd. We had an on-time (for the most part), energetic, good crowd who came ready to worship together. God is amazing. Always the unexpected.

Then, after church, we ate quickly and headed home where I put together 12 baskets of goodies for friends we specifically wanted to thank or love on for various reasons. My kids had a choice, and they chose to come with Lex and I. In the Tahoe we piled with goodies spread out in the back...in the pouring-didn't-let-up-for-two-days rain.

We went from house to house...Lex would hop out, grab the goodies and schlep up in the puddles to the homes. He would hand off the goodies, tell them we loved them and Happy New Year, as the kids and I would wave from the dry, warm vehicle. It was beautiful. Every house had someone home...and Lex got a hug and a thank you from each place.

It was a blast. The puddles, the rain, the music, the conversation. It was good to take all those people little bites of our appreciation and love for what they've meant to us all year...but the best part...three hours in the car with my family, uninterrupted. It was our last year to have both kids at home. I appreciated every second of it.

How can something so wonderful and beautiful be so disgusting and irritating to me now?

I stand looking at this tree that a couple of weeks ago I was so proud of...ick! Somebody get rid of it!

I look outside and see the lights my son so proudly displayed and I'm ready to scream...put that stuff away!

I guess it's the same romantic feeling you have about your spouse when you first meet...it's wonderful how spontaneous and flexible they are, and then 19 years later, it irritates you that they don't live by a "plan"...that your future isn't mapped out perfectly. Same person, just different expectations.

I'll tell you one thing I'm so grateful for:

God continues to amaze me and overwhelm me.

He continues to draw me closer and gives me just enough for the moment until I'm ready for more. He is indescribable. He is all sufficient. He is God.

So, when my dissatisfied heart looks around and seems to see only stuff that irritates, overwhelms, and flusters me...I look to the foundation of my soul and feel peace.

I'll get the tree down. Avery will take care of the outside lights...another year will come and go...but God is God and for that I am so grateful.

Not sure why, but my Dad has been on my mind lately.

He passed away in 1988, and there are many reasons to miss him. But I think the most evident thing for me is the "I wish he were here to see my kids" reason.

I'm so proud of my kids, and I know he would get a kick out of them, also.

He was a quiet man. Studied and read and studied and read...in fact, he used to drive me crazy wanting to talk about the Bible. I wish now that I had engaged him more and listened more and learned more. But, I wasn't ready to hear all that he was saying.

Here's the thing I remember about him that impressed me most.

He put together this Saturday morning study/prayer time with other people. Not other c of c people, but people who just simply loved the Lord as he did.

I remember specifically there was somebody of the pentecostal area, a catholic man, and a one-cup church of Christ man, and then my Dad. I think there were others here and there, but those 4 were the "heart" of the prayer group.

It wasn't common practice in those days to "fellowship" with people outside of the c of c realm...at least not fellowship freely with the understanding that all have equal access to the Kingdom of Heaven. My Dad did. He gave the church of Christ a good name. I was proud of him for that...still am.

I'm so grateful we grew up in a home that didn't say we were the only "right" or "saved" ones.

I do miss my Dad. But, honestly, if you knew him, you knew he lived his life just to meet God. He wasn't interested in earth...at all. So, selfishly, I wish he had stuck around a little longer, but I know he's where he longed to be.

Those of you who read my blog regularly remember around the first part of November I said that the Henderson house had hit a blip in the 'ole radar. I told you I could explain later, but asked you to pray in the mean time for our family.

Along with a receptionist, a marketing gal, and a guy or two from the warehouse, Lex was "let go" from his job. In California, we have this thing called "at will". Some other states may have it but I know CA does because the last two employers of Lex has used it. What it means is that they can fire you for no reason. Basically, you're costing them too much money or they are just tired of looking at your face or whatever...they can fire you for no reason.

Now, those of you who know Lex know he is about the hardest working individual there is. He never misses a day of work, is always on time, always stays late to finish whatever needs to be finished, and always has a positive attitude.

This one hurt. He was so discouraged because all the customers he dealt with loved him. The reps in the other parts of the country would call and only talk to him. They had shining letters in his file from people so pleased with his service. So, what happened?

We're not positive what happened because they don't have to tell you...but I'll give you my personal "take" on it:

Lex's blood pressure was through the roof. He was working himself into a slow death. He was sleeping an average of 3.5 - 4 hours a night. He would never have quit...it's not the thing to do when you're supporting a family.

So, was Christmas tight? Only financially. Otherwise, it was beautiful. Is it hard to pay all the bills this month? Sure...but what's new about that. I can cut back.

Here's the real test...
Does my husband love me?
Are my children healthy?
Do I have friends that love me?
Am I headed for heaven?

Here are the answers...
more today than yesterday
healthy and Godly
more than I can count
ABSOLUTELY!

So, thanks God. Once again, you saved us from ourselves and helped us see what is most important.

P.S. After about 6 weeks, the motorcycle shop put him on full time as their Service Manager. He'll enjoy that until something better comes along...

It has begun...a little earlier than usual, but begun it has!

It's the "waking-up-at-crazy-hours-of-the-morning-unable-to-go-back-to-sleep-before-ZOE" time.

This morning my eyes opened at about 4:20. Totally wide awake. My brain going 100 miles per hour about all that has to be done before and to prepare for the ZOE Conference.

So, since it is almost 9:00 pm, I am going to call it a day.

I've learned to just go with it. I will wake up, there is nothing I can do to stop it. It's like telling your brain not to think. It just doesn't happen.

But here's the kicker...I hate to be awake alone. So, poor Lex gets to hear all my thoughts at crazy hours of the morning.

It's at times like that I realize God knew exactly what He was doing when he placed us together. Lex is a wonderful partner. Supportive, patient, understanding, and always on my side. So, on those days when I think, "hhmmm, he could be a little more romantic", I'll stop and remember that I've been waking him up just so I don't have to be awake alone.

Blessings to you all...

Christmas was nice. It really felt like the day was endless...that's not a bad thing...but endless, none-the-less.

Woke up at 4:00 am (as I'm sure many people did), not because I had little kids waiting for Santa (which, by the way, I miss very much), but because I needed to be ready in case my big teenagers wanted to at least check out their stockings before church. (which they did).

I am at church by 7:00 on Sunday mornings, to get ready for the Praise Team which arrives by 7:30.

Church was over...headed to our house where Lex made waffles for my brother and wife and son, my family, my big brother and his daughter, and my mom. Fun...

It impressed me how patient my nephew was. There stood the tree with lots of presents, but Uncle Lex's waffles were what he wanted. (actually, he ate more waffle than I did! He was a hungry boy!)

We opened presents, enjoyed each other, and then split to different locations for a couple of hours until time to meet up at my Mom's house for dinner. Had a wonderful dinner and then back home to crash. Long day...but great day.

Church was wonderful. Lots of energy, enthusiasm, excitement. We had people bring "gifts" for the Children's Ministries and then had the kiddos gather them and bring them to the stage where the ministry leaders were waiting to thank and love on them. It was so sweet.

Steven did a good job...as always. It was good to be together.

My favorite part of this Christmas, though, was Friday night. Lex and I had taken the kids shopping so they could by gifts for the family. Every year, Ashley and Avery put their own money together and buy things for Grandma's, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Lex and I, and each other.

Avery told me he wanted to get Ashley something "special" this year. (Avery tends to be kind of thrifty...very calculating with his money.) Avery is a saver. He tithes, saves, and spends wisely. I'm very proud of him for this.

So, when he said something "special", I didn't know what that meant. We talked, talked, talked, and I just wasn't getting it. Actually, he wasn't saying much. Until finally, I asked him..."what are you wanting to spend on her?" His answer shocked me.

I told him he didn't need to spend that much on her. Not necessary. He could find great things for far less than what he was talking about. Finally, he looked me square in the eye and said, "Mom, I like Ashley. And this is her last year at home."

YIKES! Did he have to remind me? So, on to Macy's we went where he found her the cutest, coolest, most beloved COACH Purse you've ever seen. (Those of you who know what that is, please comment.)

She saved his gift to open last. It's like she knew somehow he had done something special. When she opened it, not only did she gasp, but so did my niece, my sister-in-law, and, of course, I was crying a bit.

Avery loved the reaction from everybody. "Yes! I did good!", he said.

He did great.

The sweetest moment was the hug between them.

They are going to miss each other.

I decided something today...but before I tell you what I've decided, let me tell you about this week.

Great week. A bit of a "downer" time on Monday and Tuesday which is typical after a Musical or ZOE or anything you put months into preparing. It's over in an hour or a weekend. But, I'm used to it, and so is my family so they treat me gently the days following.

Life goes on, however, and so does the need to Christmas shop, plan worship for Sunday, continue ZOE preparations, try to get your house ready for Christmas, and so on and so on.

Lex and I managed to sneak in a few hours to shop together for the kids. A snippet of time here and there. Nothing fun and romantic like the "old days"...whatever the heck that means. Just times of necessity and "let's get this done quickly before we have to be at the next thing" kind of deal.

Our house is finally looking like Christmas after I made the big mistake of asking "Do you kids even want to put a tree up this year?" Of course, I plead insanity because it was Monday (the dark day after the Musical) that I asked this question. I knew I had made a HUGE error in judgment when my sweet daughter began her response by saying..."The fact that you would even ask that question..." (it went on from there) So, the tree went up, and I'm so glad it did.

Lex said it looks like a Christmas Elf exploded in our home. That's a compliment.

Avery has taken Driver's Education all this week and Ashley has worked so between trying to work and be the perfect Christmas wife and mother, I've driven them back and forth all week...in "week before Christmas" traffic.

Have you read anything yet about all the baking I've done? No. Why? you ask...Why hasn't this woman who bakes when she's happy, bakes when she's nervous, bakes when she's sad...why hasn't she baked?

I've not had one second to bake.

One of my favorite things about the holidays is...you guessed it...baking. Baking and visiting people and sharing the baked yummies. Not this year. In fact, not since I've had a Christmas Musical has the baking been done to my satisfaction. (this will be the 4th year).

I stood looking at all the sugar, flour, choc chips, white choc, peppermint sticks, butter, peanut butter, just waiting to be made into baskets of love for our friends and here's what I decided. (bet you thought I'd never get to the point...)

I'm going to be a New Year's baker. Yes...New Year goodies. I know Christmas is the traditional time, but I can't do it...so, the week between Christmas and New Year, I will bake and share with my friends. The only difference will be when I deliver it I will say Happy New Year instead of Merry Christmas!

I feel better.